Arts and Education

Heat Wave

Desantis

cut

all grants

for arts

in Florida.

This is not

merely

the display

of Tom Delay

opposing

a nude

sculpture.

This is culture

war 

gone

nuclear.

Aside

from 

refuge

from the deluge

of the monstrosity

of absurd 

political

verbosity,

the arts

engage 

with less savage

rage

and elevate

hearts

and minds.

Thinking

critically

is critically

necessary,

and increasingly

lacking

in society.

Not merely

criticizing

the opposing

position,

but juxtaposing

division

for consideration

is the job

of the thoughtful

democratic

citizen.

Of course

arts 

are 

not exclusive

to democratic,

inclusive

societies.

All cultures

create

culturally 

great

works,

that work

to showcase

impressions,

expressions,

confessions,

obsessions

beyond

politics

or religion,

or economics

or any statistics.

Art 

is part

of being

human,

if only

to be

appreciated.

No reason

was given

as to what

had driven

Desantis

to defund

grants

for arts

across

the great

state

of Florida.

How about 

opera

in Tampa?

Or the Miami

City

Ballet?

Or the New

Word Symphony

or every gallery

from Tallahassee 

to The Keys?

More importantly,

these sacred

places 

not

for profit

benefit

the public—

educating,

celebrating,

debating,

and creating

connections

anew.

He won’t

undo

what he 

threatens

to,

despite

his defunding

veto.

It’s abundantly

clear

he’s sincere

about 

being a

rage 

machine.

He won’t

be outdone

by anyone

except

by himself.

Should

we be 

outraged

or disengaged?

Which

would be

most effective

against

the invective

and incentive

to be incensed

by the lack

of sense

and every 

pretense

and policy

to lash

back

against

culture

and history

since 1960?

Adding fuel

and heat

to compete

for VEEP

may be

a steep

conquest,

but my best

guess

is that

this wave

won’t 

save

him.

Heat

waves

have begun

not just

in the Sunshine

State. 

The first 

debate

will ignite

the fight

that will

get overheated

as MAGA

acolytes

on the right

like to 

make waves

and heat

things up.

The boiling

point

is the point;

to foil

any opposition

even if

the position

is to defund

all arts.

Don’t let

the heated

rhetoric

and waves

of crazy

keep you

lazy.

Support

the arts.

Buy and read

banned books.

Help women

access care

as needed.

Ignore the 

debate.

Help create

access

and accountability.

It’s your responsibility

in this 

heat wave.

Speech Pathology

While away visiting family and friends, I was not away from the horror of the terror that enveloped Paris. I may have been some 5,600 + miles from Paris, but I could be in the same zone of interest, despite the difference in time zones. I could converse via email with a cousin in Paris, and watch cable news and read analyses on my ipad, and post my sympathies.

Our extraordinary abilities to communicate through fiber optics, cables and signals anywhere, anytime, has transformed civilization in terms of immediate access, but what makes our civilization civilized is our capacity for consideration and compassion. Our advancement in technologies have allowed for an unprecedented flow of communication and movement, which has enabled expressions of hope as well as of hate .

Lately, the pathologies that have distorted and infected our lives with hate have manifested in abuse and violence in carefully orchestrated attacks upon innocents. The hostage takers at the kosher market in Paris spoke fluent French, yet did not speak the same language as their French hostages. The terrorists’ nihilism and dehumanization, was uttered using the same vocalized sounds and words that other French nationals would be familiar with, but there was no connection.

Some have argued that while there is absolutely no justification for violence or abuse, there must be social causes for such disaffection that would enable so many to seek a dangerous and violent path and wage war against Western Civilization. In essence, these people are looking for the pathologies in modern democratic societies that might explain the pathology of terrorism. Freedom, and lately our free speech, whether in the form of a silly comedy movie, or political cartoons, has been threatened with silencing. This is speech pathology!

Often, in cases of medical speech disorders, there is an auditory component. In order to learn language and speak effectively, one must have clear and accurate perception, as well as the structures and strength to create clearly understood speech. Too often, when toddlers are not articulating adequately, there is a hearing deficit. The relationship between being able to hear and speak is inextricable. Even without hearing, there is a capacity for language and communication. Sign language is every bit as expressive, and depends upon perception.

Those who don’t want to hear are seeking to silence the rest of us.This cultural speech pathology has affected those whose perception has them seek to destroy rather than to construct. The speech pathology that we have been witnessing has been so painful because our capacity for communication is so closely intertwined with our humanity and our culture. The pathology of repression and hate, expressed through abuse and violence must always be countered. There is certainly a deficit of hearing and a surfeit of misperception when such pathologies of repression and hate cause those to silence speech and fear freedom.

As I was en route to the airport to head home yesterday, I saw a sign for the “Museum of Tolerance”. I was struck by the idea of exhibiting tolerance. The thought that tolerance as a relic–something housed in a museum– was disturbing. Of course, using historical events as examples of tolerance (and intolerance) are powerful displays of human capacities (and pathologies). Then again, exhibiting tolerance is what we need to do in our daily lives. It’s a sort of speech therapy for the speech and hearing pathologies that have been so threatening.

Holding Pattern

We’ve been watching cops and robbers in black and white. “I can’t breathe” is the current verbal meme that expresses the equivalent of the arms up–don’t shoot–gesture.    The incidents in Ferguson and in Staten Island are tragic in so many ways, but even worse, they seem to present a pattern.

We have been stuck in a pattern of not only racial mistrust (on all sides) and mistrust of authority (in most institutions), but also a pattern of exaggeration and fear mongering, leading to even more over reaction. We are also stuck in a pattern of hatred and reflexive actions rather than reflective ones.

Some don’t see patterns, but merely behaviors. When it’s cops and robbers, some think that robbers deserve whatever they get by cops. It’s black and white, except when it’s about cops and robbers who are white and black. Then some don’t see cops and robbers; they just see race and a history of inequity.

Even these narratives are patterns. But something happened after the most recent Grand Jury decision not to indict a cop after he placed Eric Garner in a chokehold during an arrest, after which, Garner died. On the heels of the Ferguson Grand Jury decision not to indict Darren Wilson, the cop who fatally shot Michael Brown who was unarmed, the federal government is beginning to investigate patterns and procedures. We have been choking in our own fears and patterns, and it is as though we can’t breathe anymore.

It is possible to be pro law and order while seeking to break the pattern of extreme violence employed by police. Seeing black and white is also part of the problematic pattern that chokes us. Economic histories and patterns, racial histories and patterns, legal histories and patterns, even gender histories and patterns have actually produced a holding pattern–and we are being choked.

Police accountability would provide some oxygen. While many of us shudder at the idea of more cameras in everyday life, the notion of police cameras would at least potentially provide some more accountability. Of course, that doesn’t guarantee different legal analysis. There was a video in the Eric Garner arrest that clearly showed the choke hold and his gasping for air–for life. But, it seems to me that when one knows that one is being watched, behavior and patterns begin to change. Similarly, if every bullet that is fired by a police officer is documented in a data base, then not only is there obviously the opportunity for actual accountability, but  there is also the opportunity to analyze data and to re-examine how and when deadly force is used. 

We know that law enforcement patterns need altering, as do so many other aspects of our society and legal system. Our histories and patterns seem to have a hold on us, but we have also been choking ourselves–mostly from fear and our own inabilities to see ourselves as fractals or among the elements that comprise patterns–cracks, foams(bubbles), waves, spirals, tilings, and those elements created by symmetries of rotation and mirroring. Seeing our own selves among the elements of the societal and historical patterns allows us to get out of this holding pattern and consciously design better alternatives.

Back Up

When I was a young child, I wanted to be a Supreme. Beyonce may indeed be Destiny’s Child, but I was more interested in The Miracles. Sure there was Diana and Smokey, but before they were American idols and icons, they had Supremes and Miracles.

The back up singers were us! I wanted to join them singing harmonies and vocals that complemented the lead singer’s melody. Back up singers were a pair or a group of fabulousness, rhythmically moving in sync, ooohing and aaaaahing, repeating key words and phrases, connecting the lead vocals to the rest of us.

There’s something interesting to me about The Supremes and The Miracles, beyond suggesting divine intervention in their lead singer’s voices. Surely they had to have terrific talent, but I think the groups that included the back up singers in the names of the groups, remind us of the importance of terrific talent beyond the front person. This is true in any organization–from families, institutions, agencies, companies, or any group. Harnessing excellence in every role makes the real difference.

We have a tendency to focus so much on individuals and leadership roles, often to the detriment of healthy organizations. Great leaders are great not only because of their vocals (what they say, and do), but because they have talent that supports their efforts. Too often, we forget to hone the skills for back up singing: a great voice; willingness to work in harmony; supplementing and accompanying the theme; learning the choreography for the production; complementing the lead vocalist, bringing the work to perfection.

Imagine if we gave employees, students, volunteers, care-givers and any non-leader who is charged with responsibilities, the expectation of being supreme or a miracle! Imagine if we sought out a work force comprised of stellar back up singers–using their well trained voices in concert (metaphorically speaking).

Now we have crews –not Supremes or Miracles, and without the expectation of significance and talent from those not in the spotlight, we not only lose excellence at all levels, but we mute important voices and diminish leading voices.

So many of our institutions have been crumbling from within, and without capable lead singers. Perhaps The Supremes and The Miracles were of their time. We don’t emphasize the back up singers very much today, but I still love being a back up singer (metaphorically now). There’s great importance and reward in generating support, and encouraging others to move with the tempo and sing along. Talented lead singing will be brought to excellence with talented back up singers. Start enrolling those supremes, and making some miracles.

Nostalgia and Other Ailments

I’ve been thinking about the word nostalgia lately. We tend to consider nostalgia as a warm and cozy feeling– of the sensation of comfort food, or at least comfort in that which was. I’ve been saying the word aloud to myself. It doesn’t sound like comfort, though. It sounds like an ailment. In fact, the suffix -algia means pain: Arthralgia (joint pain),Myalgia (muscle pain), Neuralgia (nerve pain), Fibromyalgia (widespread musculoskeletal pain and fatigue) are the most common -algias, except for the all consuming cultural ailment, Nostalgia. The closest association with pain might be homesickness, although we use the term nostalgia differently, and with decidedly positive associations. Perhaps nostalgia connotes a sense of childhood home, but it is often used more broadly as an evocation of affection for the past, which is remembered as being better than the present. If anything, nostalgia, rather than evoking pain, has an almost analgesic quality.

 

Technology has enabled increasing nostalgia, as film preservation and digital imaging has become more pervasive over the last few decades. Being able to revisit the cultural sign posts (especially through movies and tv,as well as restored audio/music), and the availability to watch and listen at any moment, has given us an unprecedented human experience of engaging with the past. We can not only remember and recall experientially, but we can watch and see and hear in the present while emotionally connecting to an experience not of the present, but of the past. Moreover, it feels anything but painful. It is comforting and often joyful. It is an escape from the pains of the present. In fact, our current high-tech culture allows us to dwell in the past and create an idealized version of the non-present. Nostalgia is selective memory that mutes pain. Perhaps the -algia suffix that refers to pain, is the pain of life that we seek to escape through selective memory or false memory.

 

The ever availability of accessing the sights and sounds of another time has been entertaining and relaxing, but it has also had an insidious effect of distorting not only time, but reality. Nostalgia has begun to infect our progress, by simplifying complex (cultural) organisms and processes that unfold over time, and deluding us into glorifying a time and/or place that didn’t have our current burdens.

 

Some have a distorted sense of nostalgia, which includes a perverted concept of culture and history. Lately we have seen and heard outrageous bigots caught revealing their hateful views. Whether it’s Cliven Bundy or Don Sterling, or F. Glenn Miller (who went on a shooting spree at Jewish Centers and killed people who were not even Jewish), or Paula Deen or George Zimmerman, these now infamous bigots, along with the many not so famous bigots, are the outliers (albeit too many in number) who have yet to evolve from or even understand the virulence of selfishness and hate. Even odder, many who claim that racism is a thing of the past because we have civil rights laws, indulge their own outrageous hate fantasies with the cognitive dissonance that allows them to see themselves as not-racists, but just as individuals with individual preferences. Of course, they often couch their personal beliefs in the good old days that never really existed. This is distorted nostalgia that infects.

 

Like the resurgence of Whooping Cough and Measles, once terrible diseases that were relatively easily eradicated in childhood through vaccination, bigotry and hate are making a comeback, and lately seem to be rather virulent. Scientists have expressed concern that those who have not vaccinated their children against terrible childhood diseases have contributed to recent outbreaks of these diseases, thought to have been nearly eliminated. The idea that one’s own preference or experience is all that matters, and the notion that there is more at risk today than ever, are the kinds of distortions that allow even a minority of people to inflict immense pain and difficulty upon others.

 

This wave of Libertarianism/hyper-individualism in the age of the Internet, combined with a fondness for nostalgia which emphasizes only what one finds delightful or of his/her experience, and disregards the rest, ignores the complexities of science and history, as well as cultural health. Re-examining protocols of the past, and ensuring that laws and practices protect the most vulnerable and the public at large, is an ongoing worthwhile pursuit. However, we can not retreat to nostalgia, which, although pain relieving, is distorting, and for some, ignores serious complexities that demand our attention to keep us healthy.

Spring Theory

In today’s culture, we tend to separate education from stories. Music is considered peripheral, and singing seems irrelevant. Meals are outside the classroom and considered a break from learning. Family, especially multi-generational and extended kin, have nothing to do with conventional school. Encouraging the youngest to ask questions, much less playing hide and seek in the middle of a lesson, would be considered the exception, not the rule. Staying up late, still singing, is usually discouraged.

 

Yet, these are some of the elements of the Passover Seder that are not only enjoyed by people (of all faiths), but have the best features of real education. Pedagogically speaking, the Passover Seder is educational excellence. It is orderly (seder means order), but engaging and fun. There are a series of actions/activities with explanations and several interpretations that encourage thinking and doing. Food as symbol is central to the Seder. There is a special centerpiece–the seder plate– which has odd samples of a variety of foods that one would probably not eat otherwise, alone, much less in even odder combinations. It is part of what makes the night “unlike any other night”. Doing an unusual exercise (and explaining it), and perhaps adding a song, often leads to better information retention. Engaging with the story is the first level of pedagogy. Learning continues at all levels, through action and inquiry, critical discussion, laughter and singing.

 

Culturally, the Seder has resonated beyond strict religious observance to Spring ritual that reminds us of our personal and cultural “narrow straits” (the literal translation of the hebrew word for Egypt)–of constricted opportunities, narrow-mindedness, limited movement– and celebrates liberation from oppression. Slavery and oppression are human tragedies that are sadly not completely relegated to history. Natural plagues and severe weather force us to reconsider our lives and our interactions with the natural world. What may be Supernatural in the stories, resonates because we can connect to the natural world.

 

The lesson of good pedagogy is not specific to any single religion, nor is it even religious in nature. In fact, it’s the opposite. It is the understanding of the nature of learning that makes many religious rituals highly effective. To be clear, I am not suggesting that any religious rituals belong anywhere in our schools or public spaces (or government spaces). I am noting some characteristics that make learning effective and layered, and can be employed in non-religious domains.

 

The process of educating can not be limited to cramming test questions and sample choices and then bubbling them in. Many people confuse facts with truth, or have trouble distinguishing fact from opinion, often without realizing their confusion. Verbiage gets used as a mask for depth. True education liberates us from the narrow straits–whatever and wherever their origins. It expands our abilities to solve problems, rather than merely lay blame or recreate limiting or even oppressive conditions. Many so-called educated people can recite facts and tell stories, but thinking beyond one’s own experience and narrow confines, and applying an array of knowledge from various contexts, distinguishes the well-educated from those who have a more rudimentary education. Education is actually a creative endeavor, that engages and arouses curiosity and inquiry. Lessons are learned not merely from disaster,(in fact, they are all too often not learned from disaster), but also from reengaging in stories and questions and cultural remnants; from expanding our narrow straits, and including an array of sensory experiences to enhance our learning. It’s all part of truly educating.

 

So, in this time of Spring cleaning, and religious holidays celebrating liberation from oppression and rebirth and renewal, reconsider education as a creative endeavor requiring an array of approaches and experiences . Engagement and inquiry are necessary for learning and evolving. Our narrow spaces expand, and we can be liberated, and liberate others, through creative activity.

Guys’ Guise

Timothy Egan wrote an op-ed in today’s New York Times (January, 17, 2014) offering a thoughtful response to Brit Hume’s recent comment that Chris Christie is merely a “Guy’s Guy”–an apparently endangered species.

You may have heard Brit Hume, that is, Senior Political Analyst Brit Hume of Fox News, refer to Governor Christie’s problem. It’s not that he’s arrogant, paranoid, testy, bullying or too blunt for the P.C. culture. It’s just that he’s an “old fashioned guy’s guy” in a “feminized” world — an endangered species adrift on a floe of mush….

…He said, “By which I mean that men today have learned the lesson the hard way that if you act like a kind of an old-fashioned guy’s guy, you’re in constant danger of slipping out and saying something that’s going to get you in trouble and make you look like a sexist or make you look like you seem thuggish or whatever.”

I appreciate Egan’s clarification and answer to a particular concept of masculinity (which  Brit Hume, et al. equate with strength):

If you say something that genuinely offends women, it’s not because you’re a brawny dude, speaking freely, or even standing up to the culture patrol. It’s because you’re insensitive to people in general — the daughters, wives and mothers of many a manly man. Or, at the least, it’s because you’re outdated, like showing up for work at a tech company with a cellphone the size of a shoebox.

What has been missing from the discussion, however, is the subtext that being “feminine” or our supposedly “feminized” culture is an insult. “Masculinity”, whether defined by Brit Hume, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, or articulated through Chris Christie, Phil Robertson (of Duck Dynasty fame), Sarah Palin, or many others who seem to defy the laconic male icon of yesteryear, seems to refer to a particular paradigm that they conflate not merely with gender, but with strength and superiority. Calling someone “a fag” or a behavior “gay” is meant to be insulting in this crowd. Small mindedness, is somehow rebranded as assuredness and strength. In this crowd, it’s bully for the bullies! Shooting from the hip is preferable to being hip–which, to the “Guys”, is just a feminized subculture of spineless socialists. In that universe, there is not a ying-yang balance of energies that we call masculine and feminine, each with attributes valuable to the health of humanity. It’s right and wrong (wrong = left, feminized); strong and weak; makers and takers. These are the masculine and feminine types of that world. In that world of “Guys and Dolls”, guys play with dolls.

The guys’ guise is feigning strength and security through righteous impasse. They not only feel threatened, and reject even their own possible evolution, much less the evolution of culture, (not to mention nature), but suggest that that which they describe as feminine is what undermines them. The ideals of strength and honor are not gender specific. Moreover, gender is beyond biology. It is a cultural construct, and like it or not, cultures evolve.

Our job as parents and educators and citizens is to build a better society and a healthier culture that elevates and broadens. Under the guys’ guise, being a loudmouth or intimidating is just being a guy, and guys are now victims of this henpecked culture. The guys’ guise is not really political (although it could easily be construed as such). It’s cultural. There are small minded people everywhere, and thugs and trolls left and right. Strength is not a guy issue. It is not the same as intransigence. Flexibility is not a gender issue. The habits of mind (and culture) that include thought, reason, consideration, reflection, flexibility, appreciation and expansion build strength. That’s not a guy thing, despite the guys’ guise.

The Thing Is

About a month ago I made a request to one of my kids. The response was, “Is that a thing, or is it just your idea?” The implication was that if it was a thing, i.e. something that is done by a sector of society, then of course he would comply without reservation. However, if it was just my idea, then that deserves querying or negating or disregarding. Somehow, we have distinguished between a thing (which may be an idea or a material object) that is current and widely accepted and utilized, and an individual experience, which may not be considered valid. We have seen this throughout the ages as we broaden our categories for things.

 The outsider becomes insider when having a thing. Over the last couple of generations we have more frequently employed  a thing called disorders. So, if a person seems to learn in a way that does not conform to traditional (or current) constructs, we look for patterns that we categorize as a disorder. This has been useful in broadening our understanding of differences and meeting differing needs, but the unintended consequence is in pathologizing differences. It’s as though it must be a thing  in order to validate an experience. 

 The same is true for physical issues. It seems as though every physical experience must be categorized as a thing –especially one that needs intervention. Normal aging is pathologized. Somehow, calling unpleasant experiences and conditions diseases, normalizes them and us, or exempts us from certain expectations. 

If there is not a new category established, then often personal experiences are considered subjective and psychological problems–not a thing,unless it is a categorized psychological disorder or mental illness. When it’s not a thing, a person is disregarded or not taken seriously. Better to have a named disorder or disease in order to be taken seriously. 

On the other hand, although it has taken so very long, we have made tremendous shifts in thinking about civil rights for once peripheral groups who were discriminated against. Civil rights is a thing. It is about inclusion and accessibility and acceptability. In fact, diversity allows us to stop pathologizing.  It broadens our concepts. It’s not merely a thing in terms of something that is current, but a broader, more inclusive society that allows for ranges of abilities and possibilities and accessibility.  Whatever the next big thing is, it will require shifts.

 Whether we are compelled to shift our habits from technological things or from physical or emotional things, we can also consider how we respond to things. When do we validate? When do we ignore? When do we challenge? When do we restructure? When do we let go? It’s a thing when it’s current. The thing is, it’s most important to remember the things that make a difference–not whether or not it’s a thing.

 

 

Making Change

What do cashiers have to do with The March on Washington? It’s probably not what you think.

As a child, I was regularly asked to walk to the neighborhood market a few blocks away to get some groceries for my mother. The grocers knew my family, along with many others in the neighborhood. Still, my mother taught me to always check the receipt (and give it to her), and she taught me how to make change. If the items totaled $17.45 and I gave the grocer (or cashier) $20.00, I had to know how much change I should get back.

As a young child, mental math (as we used to call it) was not my forte. In early elementary school we were taught math facts. We were drilled with flash cards. It was basic memorization of addition and subtraction, and then, multiplication tables, soon to be followed by short division flash cards. As one who never had a flair for remembering numbers or dates, or memorization at all, this mental math approach was arduous and mostly problematic for me. Yes, I did force myself to learn elemental math facts, but I was utterly turned off and avoided whatever I could. At least I did learn the basics. I learned that I had to subtract: $20.00-$17.45= $2.55.

But subtracting in my head (especially when I was quite young) was likely to lead to careless errors. So, my mother taught me how to make change. Essentially, she was teaching me that I could add instead of subtract. I remember struggling with the concept because I didn’t get that I was merely doing addition instead of subtraction. It just seemed like a magic trick that it all added up. Then, when I got the concept of counting back change from the total to the amount I gave, it was no longer like a magic trick–just magic in the way that something perfect seems magical.

Flash forward several years, and cash registers become calculators. Cashiers no longer  need to do anything but make sure that if the cash register says $2.55 change,  they can count the correct bills and coins. They do not have to figure out the change. For a generation now, cashiers have not had to do any math beyond counting what they are told to provide. On the occasions when I do make cash purchases, I am always dumbfounded that cashiers don’t (and often can’t) make change. They can’t figure the difference. There’s no human agency in making change; no critical thinking. I suppose it doesn’t matter all that much if cash registers are more efficient calculators than the people who use them, but I wonder about this ability (or lack thereof) to make change.

For me, the process of making change resonated more than merely knowing the numbers. That has always been true for me. It struck me this week as we have been commemorating the 50th anniversary of The March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom,  that while August 28, 1963 marks the historic date, the processes of change inform how we make change. Noting the differences from where we started to where we are now is not sufficient if we are to be the ones who make change. We must understand the processes of change–of additions, subtractions, multiplications and divisions, and miscalculations.

The March on Washington 50 years ago was historic for many reasons. Of course, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream ” speech was pivotal, and remarkable, and truly one of the greatest pieces of oration in our history; but the peaceful participation by so many was equally historic and inspiring. Everyone who rallied at the mall in Washington was participating in making change, and inspired so many others to become agents of change. It is easy to just take the change that others make. It is easy to allow changes to be dictated by technology. It is more important, though, to be able to make change.

Assisted Living Facility

Living independently is a particularly American ideal. Individualism emphasizes the value of self-reliance and independence. The concept of independence as individualism has progressed toward libertarianism with increasing zeal in more recent years. As a culture, we have developed the attitude that dependence, or needing assistance, is negative. Not only have we as a culture historically looked down upon those needing assistance, but we have also looked down upon care givers. Those who care for others are often regarded as unskilled, perhaps  less intelligent and/or  less educated, or without leadership abilities. They are often considered beneath the “real” workers and leaders. Historically, women have been the care givers, and when women did work outside the home (perhaps before marriage, until feminism kicked in), the jobs were usually seen as extensions of care giving–teaching, secretarial work, nursing. These were so-called “pink collar” jobs, as were other jobs that recruited women, including stewardesses, hostesses, and waitresses. When women began to have greater access to any careers, and some brave men ventured into what was known as “pink collar” jobs, some job titles changed to reflect more gender neutrality.  Stewardesses became flight attendants. Waiters and waitresses are now referred to as servers. Secretaries, usually responsible for correspondence, morphed into administrative assistants. Although secretaries were mostly female pre-feminism, the title “administrative assistant” signified a broadening of the administrative tasks and responsibilities (including project management and other administrative tasks beyond correspondence), but also signified a break from the pre-feminist association with (female) secretaries.

Now, as we forge ahead attempting to balance demands of the workplace with the demands of a home life, and we continue to expand our notions of gender and identities, we continue to wrestle with our cultural notions of independence. We still tend to equate maturity with independence– not with care giving. We still tend to equate ability with independence– not with sharing. A facility for assisted living refers to a place for those whose abilities may be diminished, and support services are available as needed without 24 hour care. We think of assisted living facilities as places designed to provide freedom and dignity for those in need of support for activities of daily living. What about our own internal facilities for assisted living–our own capacities to support one another?

We tend to not only devalue care givers and others in supportive roles, but we have even ascribed blame to them in relation to those who have suffered from addictions and behavior problems. The care givers are blamed as the co-dependents and/or the enablers. That is not to say that negative symbiotic relationships don’t exist. Of course they do,and often when dealing with destructive behaviors and relationships, we must be aware of the potential for co-dependency and enabling. But assisting living, is productive. Some people have a greater capacity for assisting and supporting than others, but like any capacity, we can learn and practice and develop. We can even elevate ourselves and others. Nurture may be part of nature, but it is also honed. We can develop our capacities to assist others, but we must also develop our awareness of the specialness of that capacity.

Living requires assistance and assistants. We delude ourselves into thinking that we are most dignified when we are independent. We are most dignified, when we give of ourselves to others and use our efforts to support others to be their best. We can develop our assisted living facility. This moves us and our culture forward.