Author: lou sight

Chopped

I love watching Chopped. I watch regular seasons; Chopped Champions; Chopped All-Stars; Chopped Grill Masters; marathons, and I confess, I watch re-runs. This cooking competition is endlessly enjoyable to watch, not only for the spectacular plates, which, after all, we can only see, but in its utterly simple structure that allows so much creativity and brilliance to be presented. It also speaks to our cultural ideals–not just our ideal meals.

In case you are one of the few who are not yet acquainted with Chopped, allow me to introduce you. It is a TV Food Network cooking show with four chefs competing for a $10,000.00 prize. There are three rounds: appetizer,entree, and dessert. In each round, the chefs are given a basket of three to five ingredients (usually four), all of which must be used in some form in their dishes. The chefs also have access to pantry and refrigerator ingredients, but the focus must be on the basket ingredients, which are not usually prepared together. Each round is timed: twenty minutes for the appetizer round, and thirty minutes each for the entree and dessert rounds. The competing chefs are judged by a panel of three renowned chefs who critique the dishes and decide based on presentation, taste, and creativity. The judges must determine which competing chef must be eliminated from the next round. Who will be chopped? Thus, the appetizer round starts with four chefs competing. The entree round has three remaining chefs competing. By the dessert round, the last two competing chefs will be judged not only on their desserts, but on their entire meals. The winner gets $10,000.00.

The show is so enticing because it appeals to many of our appetites. On the most basic level, Chopped is a cooking competition, so while it may not actually fill us with food, we have a natural desire for food. (DO NOT WATCH IF YOU ARE PHYSICALLY HUNGRY!) It is also exciting competition and “feeds” the part of us that enjoys sports (and prize money). Beyond the obvious, the show has evolved to embrace certain features that we strive for as a culture. We hunger for rules that apply to all. We thirst for excellence and consideration. We savor the go-getter.  We crave beauty and inspiration. Technique matters, but ultimately it has to taste good.

Chopped is a meritocracy. The chefs who compete,while mostly American, are truly a cross section of America.  Talented, extremely hard-working people, regardless of background or even current job title, compete. Sometimes, when the chefs are immigrants, or new residents, their incredibly hard work and overwhelming desire to succeed is inspiring. Those who are competing from (and occasionally for) other countries, are in love with Chopped, and want to participate in that bit of America and “bring it home”. Young, not-so-young, male, female, white, non-white, straight, gay, professional, amateur…all compete in the Chopped kitchen, as long as they prove their abilities and play by the rules.

The main rule is to use all of the basket ingredients. As any Chopped lover knows, however, it is never enough to merely have the basket ingredients in the prepared dish. The goal is to transform the ingredients. This is the most inspiring part of the show, and it speaks to our cultural aspirations of transformation. How can we transform seemingly disparate elements?

Sure Chopped is fun cooking competition, but it is also nourishing. Those of us who can devour a Chopped marathon, appreciate the fortitude of the contestants. We sympathize with their often difficult life circumstances and admire their resourcefulness, not only in the kitchen, but in doing what they can do to improve their lives and the lives of their families and communities. This theme is emphasized on Chopped, and yes, gives Chopped it’s distinctive flavor. We admire these traits also, and are delighted to see excellence showcased with a dose of deference to earned authority and wisdom, as well as creativity, beauty and transformation amidst healthy competition. These are the very traits that we parents and teachers and other leaders seek to instill in our children.

Ok. So Chopped is just a cooking show, but the themes are also a recipe for success; for transformation. Let’s get cooking!

Emptynessed

From the moments of my children’s births, parenting has always been love. There has been such warmth and joy amid times that were frustrating and anxiety producing. Sometimes scary; sometimes maddening; sometimes hurtful. It has always been truly unconditional, and the most profound love.

I never wanted to be the imposing parent or the martyr. I have been both,despite my better intentions. Being mindful of my children’s proclivities, I wanted to encourage their strengths and find ways to have them strengthen their weaknesses, and ensure that they would become caring,thoughtful,responsible,giving adults. I can’t ensure anything, but I am optimistic. They live in a sub-culture that shares those values, even if those standards aren’t always revealed to the parents.

When they each left for college, it was bittersweet. It was time. Some parents stay tethered and feel as though they must communicate constantly and know all about their emerging adult children’s lives. I confess to having mixed emotions about that. Despite wanting to hear more about their lives, I respect their independence, and have always been amazed by their independent streaks. The kids have embarked upon their own journeys, and those college years were a transition time for them, as well as for us parents.  We have branched out as adults, but as parents, we have not stopped thinking about our kids, and find them endlessly interesting. We know that this is not the case for them.

We adjusted quite well to the empty nest. It was our time again, while they were having their times. We could focus even more on work and community and other projects, as well as our relationship, and our adult concerns could just be dealt with, rather than having to choreograph around the kids (sometimes unsuccessfully). When the kids would come home, there was a bit of readjustment. The unconscious habits of childhood and adolescence were instantly triggered–in both parents and children. Although more tempered and measured than during adolescence, there was still that sort of semi-trustful listening (or non-listening) that existed as an undercurrent. It was a habitual listening (or non-listening) that had yet to be fully transformed. Despite the facts that each of us has been working and learning and evolving, as a family we were on auto-pilot.

It is natural and common to experience this awkward stage. Parental roles are dramatically different at this stage, but so too are the emerging adult children’s roles. They may be oblivious to their parents’ lives, but their parents not only have an empty nest, but also an emptiness. Parents need their children. My need for my children is beyond ego; it stems from my heart and soul. It is basic and profound love. When the ego needs, it is anxiety producing. When the soul needs, it is the experience of love (and the emptiness that accompanies absence). I have been feeling empty-nessed. It is not the need to have the nest filled up, but to have my heart filled up. When I think of their absence I feel empty-nessed. When I think of them, not what they are doing or the distance, but just as people, the people I adore most, my heart swells and the emptiness fills with love. It is from this state that relationships can flourish and we can evolve. More than filling an empty nest, having space for the totality of the person–pure love–the emptynessed becomes transformed.

Celebrity Crush

Many who admired Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s artistic abilities were crushed upon hearing of his untimely death from heroin. Because he didn’t “seem” like an addict or out of control, and in fact seemed to be one who harnessed his abilities and honed them, revelations of his relapse were surprising and sad. His brilliance and low key, mature manner off screen furthered the public’s impression of a master– one with incredible gifts and work ethic and  seemingly able to transcend the trappings and excesses of Hollywood and of American culture. Alas, here on earth, stars are human. We may not know the depth of his struggles, but the scene of his death revealed conditions that suggest profound struggle. Addiction is insidious and cruel for anyone. It becomes crushing not only to the individual who struggles to maintain, but for friends and family as well.

Earlier Sunday morning, like so many, I sat with my morning coffee reading the New York Times. I tend to veer away from a lot of celebrity stories, but this was The New York Times. And Nicholas Kristof. Initially I was intrigued because this week’s op-ed piece seemed like a departure for him. Then I stepped in the quicksand. He shared an excerpt from a letter penned by Dylan Farrow, daughter of Mia Farrow. I followed the link to her entire letter. I was utterly uncomfortable, as she recounted being molested by Woody Allen when she was 7.  I assumed that Dylan Farrow’s piece was a reaction to Woody Allen’s Lifetime Achievement Award(s), and the upcoming Oscars. Her anger extended to  Cate Blanchett and Louis C.K. for working with Allen.  She seemed to be suggesting that anyone who doesn’t reject Woody Allen must be complicit with this man she accuses of molesting her.  I felt tremendous compassion for her and wondered if something happened, even if that something wasn’t exactly as she wrote it.The readers’ comments included much support for her, which in that case, included hateful remarks about Allen. She was tormented. That was clear. Still, the whole thing was so uncomfortable to read, not only because it is an uncomfortable subject, but because many others got involved. I don’t want to read about their dirty laundry. I have compassion for people who have been made to be victims. Then came the counter piece in The Daily Beast written by Robert B. Weide, a documentarian of Woody Allen. I was reminded of the very messiness of this case from 20 years ago. Was Dylan Farrow’s experience a result of being coached as a kid by her mother Mia during a hideously nasty break up? Why would Mia Farrow and the newest sensation, her son Ronan Farrow, (supposedly brilliant??), tweet middle-school-esque tweets about Woody during the Golden Globes? Why do we need to be bombarded with this AGAIN after 20 years? The Farrow side wants to use a wide audience to discourage any support for Woody Allen. After all of this, not only do I definitely not know what happened, I don’t want to be bombarded with their stuff. I am not complicit in what may or may not have taken place 20 years ago. It is very sad. They need to heal. Whatever happened, and I have no idea what DID happen, has left Dylan traumatized and she and her family have remained bitter and unrelenting. Moreover, they are determined to keep crushing as they have felt crushed.

These two tragic stories unfolded on Sunday before the Super Bowl, when the Denver Broncos were crushed by the Seattle Seahawks. So many were hoping Peyton Manning would get the win–a likable celebrity  athlete with incredible talent who is disciplined and affable and without the negative gossip. But the truly superb defense of the Seahawks overwhelmed the Broncos, and once again, assumptions were challenged. Of course, the  Super Bowl commercials are the other great excitement along with the championship game. The anticipation of the commercials as the zenith of entertainment in 30 second increments (unless it’s with Bob Dylan), adds to the enjoyment of the Super Bowl as Super Event. (**For a week or so prior to the Super Bowl, there was quite a bit of scuttlebutt about Scarlett Johansson’s role in a Super Bowl commercial as celebrity spokesperson for Soda Stream and the seeming conflict of interest with being an Oxfam ambassador. She chose economic opportunity for herself, but also for Palestinians and for Israeli-Palestinian economic cooperation at Soda Stream.) The theme of celebrity in all the ads was sensational.Watching Super Bowl commercials has become a pastime, but this year’s all-star lineup made it that much more entertaining–even when the commercials themselves were otherwise not so terrific.  Star gazing is as old as humanity.

If we can learn anything after the celebrity immersion of Sunday, it is that life events can be crushing, and distortions abound. Celebrity sells. Certainly celebrity can be useful in attracting attention to worthy causes (and products), but the causes must go beyond the celebrities, and we need to create better resources for dealing with life’s crushes.

Going Upstairs Backwards

There’s nothing like pain to make us aware of our habits. Spasms redirect our attention to clenched muscles that seem to control us, rather than the other way around. Shooting, stabbing, burning, stinging, throbbing, aching,  hurting, sore…pain. Sometimes mere discomfort distracts us from our automatic lives, and asks us to pay attention. Agony is overwhelming, and suffering is more chronic misery. But the regular discomforts often steal our focus and energies, and ask us to do something different. With a different focus, we may adjust our posture or stance, or where we sit and how we proceed.

This is true of any sort of pain. Physical, emotional, psychological, existential pain asks us to attend to the sensation. We often get stuck when confronted with pain. Too often we compensate with unintended consequences. Sometimes we  consciously ignore the signals, as though giving in to a toddler’s temper tantrum will reinforce the tendency for eruptions. It is often hard to know how to deal with discomforts and pain so that they are  not reinforced or cause other damage. Some people wallow, others martyr, most numb themselves. Dealing with discomfort and pain as a lesson, is often reduced to avoidance.

Over the last 10.5 months, while strengthening myself physically, and taking the time to better manage my physical health, I decided to write. With no timeline in mind, or even a  roadmap or GPS, I wanted to experiment in a way that I had never attempted before, and create conversations. Forever committed to strengthening parenting and family life, education, Culture and culture, and healthy homes, schools and communities, I learned that I could be  critical  while optimistic. Moreover, I could learn from everyday discomforts and sometimes pain and even agony, both my own and societal, that there are always lessons. In looking back over the essays that span less than a year, I am reminded of political events and societal changes that, for some, were painful or uncomfortable . Some moments have been liberating culminations of long, painful battles that now demand societal realignment. Some moments seem to be flare ups of old wounds or negative habits. Time seems to move more quickly than it used to as we are exposed to so much more information at lightening speed, and it is easy to forget moments that affected us–that gave us opportunities to not merely get over the pain, but to learn from it. In reflecting upon the last 10.5 months, I am amazed at what is possible in less than a year. Some pain is chronic; some acute. Discomforts are inevitable, but as we redirect our focus and energies, and adjust our postures and stances, and even where we sit and how we proceed, we may not only mitigate some pain, but move ourselves further ahead in ways that we may not have even considered.

With a recent flare of back trouble, I have been having immense pain sitting and in many positions. Walking up the stairs has been another difficulty. This is not a new situation, but like most aches and pains (and worse), the situation flares from time to time. This time, I decided to try walking up the stairs backwards. It takes me a little longer (not much) and at first I needed more support. But I get up the stairs now! With fewer spasms! Of course looking back one sees how far one has gone, but more than that, sometimes looking at where we were and how we held ourselves and then tweaking it, allows us to be in a better, more comfortable and healthier position to elevate ourselves.

Guys’ Guise

Timothy Egan wrote an op-ed in today’s New York Times (January, 17, 2014) offering a thoughtful response to Brit Hume’s recent comment that Chris Christie is merely a “Guy’s Guy”–an apparently endangered species.

You may have heard Brit Hume, that is, Senior Political Analyst Brit Hume of Fox News, refer to Governor Christie’s problem. It’s not that he’s arrogant, paranoid, testy, bullying or too blunt for the P.C. culture. It’s just that he’s an “old fashioned guy’s guy” in a “feminized” world — an endangered species adrift on a floe of mush….

…He said, “By which I mean that men today have learned the lesson the hard way that if you act like a kind of an old-fashioned guy’s guy, you’re in constant danger of slipping out and saying something that’s going to get you in trouble and make you look like a sexist or make you look like you seem thuggish or whatever.”

I appreciate Egan’s clarification and answer to a particular concept of masculinity (which  Brit Hume, et al. equate with strength):

If you say something that genuinely offends women, it’s not because you’re a brawny dude, speaking freely, or even standing up to the culture patrol. It’s because you’re insensitive to people in general — the daughters, wives and mothers of many a manly man. Or, at the least, it’s because you’re outdated, like showing up for work at a tech company with a cellphone the size of a shoebox.

What has been missing from the discussion, however, is the subtext that being “feminine” or our supposedly “feminized” culture is an insult. “Masculinity”, whether defined by Brit Hume, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, or articulated through Chris Christie, Phil Robertson (of Duck Dynasty fame), Sarah Palin, or many others who seem to defy the laconic male icon of yesteryear, seems to refer to a particular paradigm that they conflate not merely with gender, but with strength and superiority. Calling someone “a fag” or a behavior “gay” is meant to be insulting in this crowd. Small mindedness, is somehow rebranded as assuredness and strength. In this crowd, it’s bully for the bullies! Shooting from the hip is preferable to being hip–which, to the “Guys”, is just a feminized subculture of spineless socialists. In that universe, there is not a ying-yang balance of energies that we call masculine and feminine, each with attributes valuable to the health of humanity. It’s right and wrong (wrong = left, feminized); strong and weak; makers and takers. These are the masculine and feminine types of that world. In that world of “Guys and Dolls”, guys play with dolls.

The guys’ guise is feigning strength and security through righteous impasse. They not only feel threatened, and reject even their own possible evolution, much less the evolution of culture, (not to mention nature), but suggest that that which they describe as feminine is what undermines them. The ideals of strength and honor are not gender specific. Moreover, gender is beyond biology. It is a cultural construct, and like it or not, cultures evolve.

Our job as parents and educators and citizens is to build a better society and a healthier culture that elevates and broadens. Under the guys’ guise, being a loudmouth or intimidating is just being a guy, and guys are now victims of this henpecked culture. The guys’ guise is not really political (although it could easily be construed as such). It’s cultural. There are small minded people everywhere, and thugs and trolls left and right. Strength is not a guy issue. It is not the same as intransigence. Flexibility is not a gender issue. The habits of mind (and culture) that include thought, reason, consideration, reflection, flexibility, appreciation and expansion build strength. That’s not a guy thing, despite the guys’ guise.

Target

Yesterday, the revelation that over 40 million people may have been hacked at Target over the last few weeks was stunning and terrifying. I suspect that Target wasn’t the only target. I would not be surprised to learn that other stores were also targeted. Certainly the holiday shopping season (the fifth season from Thanksgiving to just after New Year’s) is the perfect time to breach a retailer’s system. Of course, it’s not just the retailer who is ruined. Millions of lives are, at best, disrupted. For some, the impact may be horrific, especially at this time of year.

It is easy to feel paranoid these days. So much seems out of our control. To be up to speed (which is quite fast), one must surrender to more and more channels and networks, further and further removed from an original action, that through incredible technology, allows actions and transactions to occur instantaneously. We tend to forget that because so much of our transactions are instantaneous, that there is actually a network out there–wherever there is. It feels immediate and therefore gives us the sense of interaction. Or maybe we are just more willing to surrender to what seems so much easier than waiting. We feel like we can accomplish so much more than we used to. But, there are daily reminders of nefariousness. It is easy to feel like a target.

Like terrorism, cyber hacking seems to prey on obvious targets through innocent civilians who are merely living their lives. It is cruel and terrifying, and after each incident, we redouble our efforts to create better protection. But the fear and paranoia lingers as we increase safety measures. There is a sense that we are always targets.

When we are able to put aside the threats of terrorism and hacking, we worry that we are being targeted by the NSA, or advertisers, or even by political ideologues. It seems as though we are targeted by anyone and everyone. While some target us for our potential business or donations, others target us as “the other”, and therefore the problem: teachers; unions; single parents; poverty stricken; Wall Streeter; drug addicted; super wealthy; politician; left; right; religious; atheist; ……You are either with us or against us. Marketers seek their target audiences. We target others and get targeted by others all the time.

While it is easy to be concerned about nefarious targeting and the fear of being an innocent victim, I am actually more concerned about the prosaic targeting that is part of our culture and constantly exhibited by individuals regardless of beliefs or station in life. We live in echo chambers. It is tribal. We seem more focused on targeting frustrations at others than on working through problems, integrating different components. Yes, compromising.  The holidays may be a time to reflect upon targets. We like New Year’s resolutions as they redirect our attention toward personal improvement (usually not at the affect of others). When we target others, we diminish them. They become one dimensional. When we include others–even differing opinions and ways–the target shifts toward building; toward more dimensions.

2013 was a year of many difficulties that became compounded by targeting individuals or agencies for blame, rather than acknowledging what (or who) was problematic and  focusing on improvement.  We had plenty of target practice this year, perfecting the aim with our weaponry, literally and figuratively.  We can aim for much better–changing the old targets. There is so much that we can’t control–or rather–there is only so much that we can control. We can choose new targets that do not diminish. The narrow targets, those that are from a single point of view, diminish. This holiday season, when we try to take a break from our troubles and  enjoy our families and some peace, we can redirect and begin a new target practice. Don’t target others. Aim positively. Happy Holidays!

Scarred For Life

13 December, 2013: A recurring nightmare. A school shooting, just before the first anniversary of the Newtown school shooting on 14 December, 2012. That internal  feeling of constriction mixed with a bit of nausea that emerges when horrified or profoundly saddened has returned. I was already a bit melancholy, as December 13th is the anniversary of my father’s death, and I still get a bit raw 13 years hence. Last year, the unspeakable tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary shook me to my core. Perhaps because I was already sad, but the school shooting ,(just next to where I used to live), left me pained. While sadness and horror seem to me to be an appropriate response to such tragedy, the manifestation of sadness and horror needs to be appropriate. I was overcome with emotion. I should have retreated to a quiet place to let my sadness and loss- -personal as well as generic–settle down. Sometimes we don’t realize that pushing through pain can exacerbate it, or even inflame scar tissue. This is true for emotional as well as physical pain.

I remember that evening all too clearly, as we tend to do with heightened emotional moments. My profound sadness became mixed up and misdirected at one of my kids, as scars from other incidents as a parent became inflamed. What ensued was a ridiculous and upsetting conversation, because of my being stuck. A scar was born. The upset from that conversation lingered for some time, but I was determined to have that lingering pain relieved and to let the scars heal.

From my earliest days as a parent, like many young parents of my generation, I was concerned that great upset would scar my kids for life. Of course, we had many great upsets over the years and my anxieties increased with each incident (or potential incident), thinking that these would stunt their growth or irreparably damage them.  After last year, when I let emotions get the best of me (and reveal the worst), (again–after so many years), I thought about how I must let my own scars heal and not impose my pain on others. I also began reconsidering scars.

I have a handful of scars on my body. They are physical manifestations of bodily trauma. As far as scars or physical disfigurement goes, they are mild now. I am lucky. I am a bit self conscious, but not terribly. I don’t like them, but I really don’t pay attention to them. This is good. My knee, back and neck have obvious surgical scars, but over time, they have become much less pronounced. They have flattened and smoothed over, and are no longer inflamed. Other external physical manifestations of earlier illnesses are so old, I rarely notice them. Sometimes the internal scar tissue from surgeries becomes so inflamed that I must treat it. But I don’t see it (other than on an x-ray). The scars heal. That doesn’t mean there is never pain, but when we let our scars heal, we can restore function and perhaps movement.

Emotional scars are the same. We need to not exacerbate them. They take time to calm down. If we let them, the inflammation and pain will subside. The notion that we would scar our kids for life was meant to suggest that being scarred was not only the result of a trauma, but that trauma would limit or permanently impair one’s life . But scars heal. They may reference an earlier pain, but with proper care and patience, and perhaps some correction, the wounds mend. Scars are for life. They are remnants, not the condition of being stuck. When we are scarred for life, we allow healing and growth–even stretching. Pain and suffering may be inevitable, but how we choose to live even with pain and with painful memories matters most.

The scars of mass shootings and all gun violence are still inflamed. If we are scarred for life, we can transform that pain toward a culture that does not accept the status quo with regard to gun violence. I am scarred FOR LIFE. The pain and memories of pain must inspire different responses going forward.

Tradition

A great miracle happened there. Pilgrims. NativeTribe. Religious freedom. Family. Gratitude. Rededication. Gifts.  Sharing the bounty of food. Turkey. Stuffing. Cranberries. Wine. Sweet potatoes. Latkes. Thanksgiving and Hanukkah have much in common, although it is spectacularly uncommon that they coincide on the calendar. This year Thanksgiving 2013 occurs on the first day of Hanukkah 5774.

By now, you have undoubtedly been preparing for this Holidaypalooza, whether or not you celebrate Hanukkah. Our American culture in 2013 emphasizes food and shopping as the significant features of holidays. American holidays become legally designated as holidays so that they can stimulate the economy. Black Friday has become a tradition over the last fifty years, as the day after Thanksgiving initiates the holiday shopping season. It is not a legal federal holiday, but since so many retailers  have joined the ranks of encouraging shoppers, and so many people take off for the long weekend following Thanksgiving, over time, Black Friday has become a tradition. Although in recent years some mega-retailers have extended their hours to entice more shoppers, there has been a bit of fallout in reaction. The most recent extension of hours and requirements for retail employees seems to offend those who value other traditions more than the tradition of shopping.

We carry the tradition of Thanksgiving through our family get togethers and foods .Traditionally, school children have donned Pilgrim and Native American costumes and seen cornucopia associated with the first Thanksgiving. The historical accuracy is not as significant as the traditional values of the holiday, exemplified by family feasts gobbling turkey and cranberry sauce and over the years, “traditional” dishes including green bean casserole, ambrosia, stuffing, and as many dishes as possible infused with ambers and deep reds and the colors of autumn. We have images of American family and abundance for which we are thankful. Then we watch football.

Like Thanksgiving, Hanukkah is celebrated through distinctive foods and objects. Potato  latkes (pancakes) and donuts are eaten to symbolize the miracle of the oil that lasted for eight days upon the rededication of the Temple. The dreidel, the four-sided top with a hebrew letter on each side that together form an acronym translated to “a great miracle happened there”, was traditionally a decoy. The story goes that when the Greeks outlawed the practice of Judaism, children would hide their torah scrolls and take out their dreidels when soldiers were approaching. The story of Hanukkah is the story of the Maccabean revolt against the Seleucid monarchy. Hanukkah means rededication, and in that case, it was the celebration of the victory against those who prohibited religious practices and defiled the Holy Temple. The nine branched candelabra or menorah, (chanukkiah in hebrew) is lit in commemoration of the story of Hanukkah, and symbolizes rededication as well as the victory for religious freedom. Miracles.

The traditions of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah are both iconic and evolving. Shared customs become traditions over time. Our foodie culture and ever increasing diversity as well as global availability of foods have enabled us to expand our holiday menus to logically incorporate ingredients that were not available or known in earlier times. Turkey and sweet potato latkes makes perfect sense! They are not only delicious, but reference earlier themes of the holidays and reflect our current modern blending of cultures and ideals. I suspect that although the Thanksgivingukkah holiday this year is unique, the features are in fact the stuff of new traditions. The abundance that we share and seek to create in 2013 and 5774 (tomorrow), is the essence of Thanksgiving. Religious tolerance. Sharing beyond one’s tribe. Family gatherings. Abundance.These are traditions that we seek to pass on. Why not rededicate yourself to creating more opportunities  to be thankful. Why not create traditions that include better working conditions, fairer wages and hours, and benefits? Shopping on Black Friday is not a tradition in my family. Being together and connecting to the ones far away is our tradition.

Despite all the problems and injustices that we must overcome in our country and in our culture, I am thankful for the promise that is America. A great miracle happened there. Pilgrims. NativeTribe. Religious freedom. Family. Gratitude. Rededication. Gifts.  Sharing the bounty of food. Turkey. Stuffing. Cranberries. Wine. Sweet potatoes. Latkes. Happy Thanksgivingukkah–no matter what your tradition!

Class Dismissed

America in the 21st Century is fast becoming a classless society. Whodda thunk? Well, it certainly started before the election of Barack Obama, and it isn’t Socialism. We are becoming a society without class–i.e. lacking grace or excellence, sophistication, refinement or quality. Decency doesn’t seem to be able to compete in the marketplace. More of everything is expected except restraint or refinement or deliberation.

Lack of class is not a new phenomenon, of course. Throughout history, education was not only considered the means to refined thought, speech and action, but an opportunity to greater possibilities in life. In the USA, education has always been a means to economic betterment as well as personal enrichment. In the last generation, faced with serious problems in education at all levels, attempts to improve schools have included more standardized tests and homework; fewer breaks, arts, phys ed, or literature. Meanwhile, we have seen a decline in actual college readiness, and with the media explosion over the last generation, a change in discourse that values uneducated speech as “real” (i.e. more compelling), and the cult of celebrity that makes unaccomplished and ordinary folks seemingly important. The accomplishment becomes getting on  the air, or followed on social media, liked on Facebook or re-tweeted. The content is practically irrelevant, and the lack of class seems to inspire reaction and attention, and feeds the beast which becomes a brand. That’s the marketplace. The opportunities are in the noise created, not in refined work or ideas or accomplishment.

We see this in entertainment. We also see the news as entertainment-reality show. Appealing to the lowest common denominator has mass appeal (and thus ad revenue). While sports have always been entertainment, we have made sport of politics with little to no possibility for governing. Governing is not entertainment, although clearly the current class in Congress seems to be more interested in politics as a blood sport rather than governance. There have always been boors in politics, and attention seekers, thugs and bullies. In this century, they have dominated discourse and the media.

This week the spotlight has shown on  Sarah Palin and  Richie Incognito (who is anything but). They epitomize our bullying, uneducated, unrefined, media driven classless society. Of course, most of us do not associate with such boors, but they claim too much attention while inadvertently revealing their lack of awareness, and forcing their domination over others. They seek to intimidate and relish their (repeated) aggressive  speech/behavior. Bullies tend to be arrogant and narcissistic, and typically tend to have trouble resolving problems. The opposite of bullying and problem solving requires thought, time, energy, planning and coordination with others while being willing to risk some power. These are the elements of education and refined thought and behavior.

I suspect that even our media-driven classless society will soon recalibrate. Some of the excesses of our classlessness will expire. New forms of education are evolving and  gaining traction as we correct what hasn’t worked, and seek to meet current and future diverse needs. Any real change will take a long time, and economics tends to be the driving force. To be a first class economy and culture requires time,education, thought, energy, innovation, planning, coordination, dignity, and a willingness to restrain some power.  Class dismissed? Not for those who want to –and can– do better.

Turn it up to 11

Most of us learned that November 11th was originally Armistice Day–the designated end of the “war to end all wars”–declared on November 11, 1918 at 11:00 a.m. Of course after the Great War  came more wars, and the name of the holiday (and the wars) changed after World War 2 from Armistice Day to Veterans Day to honor all veterans from all conflicts.

For those of a certain generation (and perhaps, beyond), today’s date is also a nod to the rocumentary classic “This Is Spinal Tap”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrVCjnRdB_k

I like the idea of turning it up to 11 today. Go one more than you usually do. Learn more (actual) history. Educate yourself and your children about mistakes and achievements.  Make an actual difference for veterans. It’s nice to acknowledge Veterans Day with photos and banners, but what about turning it up to 11? Contribute to a program that improves a veteran’s life. You can start with your local VA. I’m turning it up to 11. Are you? It’s really only a little bit more.