Author: lou sight

Leisure Suits

I was born in 1963, just before Camelot was obliterated. By the time I started grade school, sartorial splendor was becoming a thing of the past.  In the 70s, countering the culture largely meant wearing informal, poorly made, unflattering, and often, just ugly clothes.  Changing one’s appearances was meant to denote changing  one’s attitudes. Relaxed fit clothing (before we called a particular style of jeans “relaxed fit”) was supposed to reflect greater freedom, fewer constraints, undoing structures of culture, and a more casual attitude. Adults were uptight; youths were tuning in, turning on and dropping out, which meant building a new harmonious society. Imagine. Then came those horrific Leisure Suits. Even then, I thought they were hideous and silly. The worst part was that Leisure Suits were for dressing up. They didn’t look comfortable or flattering, and came to represent a cheap, synthetic, and middling culture; a culture that was apathetic and confused, low brow and lazy.

A generation later, our children have grown up with a more robust culture. While access to information and communication has been revolutionized in the last generation, there has also been a renaissance of leisure activities and accoutrements. The leisure business is enormous, and people invest great time and money into leisure activities. This has been a terrific boon over the last generation, not only economically, but culturally. Pursuing a leisure activity such as a sport or art is productive. For years I have cautioned parents about over scheduling their children. Children (and adults) need unscheduled free time, but pursuing a hobby or activity (beyond looking at a screen) on a regular basis can provide skills that may go beyond the activity.

When we find a leisure activity that suits us, we strengthen ourselves and can expand. There are all kinds of attributes to all sorts of sports and arts, but the activities themselves often become metaphors for us. I was a great swimmer as a young child, and enjoyed the competence and strength I felt in the water. Many  years later in college, I swam every morning, as it felt like the only way my thoughts could flow in order to write papers. I hardly go to the pool for a swim these days, but I’m very much a swimmer in other ways, and yes, still a lifeguard of sorts. I tend to dive into whatever I pursue. Somehow, I’ve been able to stay afloat, treading from time to time, but mostly propelling myself forward using all my muscles, along the surface of the tide. I was well suited to swimming, and swimming suits me.

Those who are well suited to their work are often quite successful. It’s not always easy to find work that suits us. We often think of work as effort, and leisure as effortless, but there can be joyful effort in both work and play.  Leisure activities are not only ways to  have fun, unwind and relax, but are often ways in which we can more fully realize ourselves and develop our strengths to use in various capacities.  Leisure suits!

Happy Birthday to US

Happy 237th Birthday, Dear America! As we get ready to celebrate our 237th birthday, and look forward to a four day weekend starting on the Fourth of July, we enjoy down time, sales, cook-outs and fireworks. It’s time to celebrate life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Time to don the red, white and blue and hang out.

While there is no shortage of unfolding news stories today that grip our attention, including the unfolding crisis in Egypt as it’s new government is now being run by the military in the interim between Morsi and whoever is next ; the whereabouts (and what-abouts) of Edward Snowden; the George Zimmerman trial, and more unfolding stories, we will nonetheless relax and note that in 237 years, we’ve been through a lot. But what about our future?

The last twelve years have felt off balance, here in the USA. Some have bemoaned our decline. We are vulnerable to domestic and international terrorism. We have fought two  horrific and incredibly long wars. Our economy tanked in a way that was not seen for generations, and we are still struggling to create jobs at home. The American Dream for so many young adults seems to be just a dream. Like our crumbling bridges and highways, much of our  physical and governmental infrastructure seems to be in desperate need of repair. We have so many more issues to confront, and people question the ability of government to accomplish basics, much less improve conditions. We seem so acrimonious and scared, and seem to be so enervated after the last twelve years. Are we just middle aged at 237?

Or are we adolescent? Bickering and ideological; not considering consequences, but yelling grand philosophical theories about government; slamming doors. We love our gadgets and games and our industry of entertainment. We eat all the time. Everything else feels like a chore. We want to be safe, but not watched. We think we are invincible. We can find flaws in everything . Nothing is good enough. We are way more together than the other countries, even with our pimples.

Of course it’s hard to know if this 237th birthday of ours is one that will have us heading for colonoscopies or toward reconciling our early years (237) with the possibilities for adulthood.  The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services lists characteristics of cognitive and social-emotional development of adolescents . It seems to me that we could be in the middle stages of adolescence.

Cognitively, middle staged adolescents have:

Continued growth of capacity for abstract thought

 Greater capacity for setting goals

 Interest in moral reasoning

 Thinking about the meaning of life

 Moving into late adolescence we would need to have:

 Ability to think ideas through from beginning to end

 Ability to delay gratification

 Examination of inner experiences

 Increased concern for future

 Continued interest in moral reasoning

 

and move our social-emotional development to:

Firmer sense of identity, including sexual identity (**and be accepting everywhere)

Increased emotional stability

 Increased concern for others

 Increased independence and self-reliance

 Peer relationships remain important

 Development of more serious relationships

 Social and cultural traditions regain some of their importance

Declaring our independence for the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness does not have to be adolescent. We can be thoughtful and responsible and inclusive while allowing the pursuit of freedom. 237 may not be young, but I’m not convinced that we are middle aged yet, either. We have a wealth of resources and experiences to draw upon to generate positive impact. We are old enough to reflect and learn, and young enough to create and foster progress while deepening our relationships. Happy Birthday to US!

Prep

Maria Montessori was the original prep. No, she was not a preppy kind of gal in the sense of one who goes to a school that typically feeds the top colleges and universities and wears boxy clothes and shoes, with distinctive speech, vocabulary and mannerisms. Nor was she of the subculture that emulates the preppy style. Maria Montessori developed a philosophy of education from the concept of the prepared environment. While the Montessori method of pedagogy stems from this notion of creating a structure and order  so that individuals can be free to explore and choose that which best suits his or her needs, the prepared environment fosters independence and responsibility to oneself and to others. Even with individualization we can create social cohesion.

Although Maria Montessori studied young children and developed her philosophy and pedagogy for educating young children, the concept of the prepared environment is useful in other contexts. Currently, we are transitioning toward a new era in health care and education in the U.S. Some people are skeptical; some are fearful; some are hopeful. Regardless of the emotional dispositions people may have, change is upon us, and while there are still many people who resist change (or deny the need or reality of these changes), there are great efforts being made to prepare the citizenry for the soon to be implemented Affordable Care Act and The Common Core.

The Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare, is intended to increase the affordability and rate of health insurance coverage for Americans. It is also intended to streamline and improve the delivery of healthcare outcomes with the additional aim of lowering Medicare spending. As these reforms are new, the new healthcare environment seems rather daunting. Best to be prepared. There will be a barrage of ads and public service announcements soon, so that citizens/consumers/employers will be prepared to choose intelligently. Meanwhile, you can begin to get educated by perusing  https://

www.healthcare.gov/marketplace/individual.

And while we are discussing getting educated…..There is a new and potentially exciting educational reform being implemented called The Common Core. While some fear a federal government take over of education, and reflexively call for states to protest to assert their power to maintain their own education standards, the lack of cohesion and the lack of academic rigor that has plagued the nation under the previously scattered state standards has weakened our education system for a generation and created ill prepared young adults. The Common Core is an attempt to create common standards so that no state can dumb down the individual state curriculum or tests to get better results. The Common Core is a coordinated effort among governors and educators, parents and employers, using best practices and evidence from the U.S. and abroad, to create a more rigorous and deeper curriculum that is clear, consistent, and aligned with college and work expectations. The Common Core is more than benchmarks. It calls for a different pedagogy; one that creates deeper learning and application of knowledge that represents higher order thinking skills. Educators are preparing for this new education environment, and you can begin to prepare and educate yourself :http://www.corestandards.org/

Through the prepared environment, we can more thoughtfully engage while meeting our own requirements and responsibilities. This is the seed of a healthy and educated society and civic culture. Now we are literally getting prepared for a potentially healthier and better educated society. It is possible to create a healthier, more educated civic culture. Prepare for success!

Body of Work

**This entry is a departure for me, and I hope my intention will be understood.  In coming to terms with my own body of work, I hope to connect more, and have others consider what limits are imposed on us from physical, psychological, and cultural circumstances. I have never been comfortable discussing my limitations, but I hope that others will relate to whatever limits them and engage in how we can expand the possibilities for productivity and living creatively.

———————————————————————————————————-

UNCLE!  I have been wrestling with my physical difficulties for over fifteen years.  Of course I must keep wrestling, as autoimmune disease flares can be so difficult to withstand, much less manage. Even in between violent flares, (or even less violent flares) during supposed remissions, I don’t feel well—just less bad– and can medicate to be vibrant for a few hours at a time. If I am very careful, and exclude certain activities and include hours of rest, I can participate in limited activities and celebratory events, and no one would know anything. It is always carefully orchestrated. To complicate matters, I have had (and continue to struggle with) excruciating and debilitating spine problems, that have made normal activities anything but normal. I have preferred chairs, and shoes and bed and pillows, and have tried so many therapies and remedies (and surgeries). I have always done modest exercise and eaten organically. I do all the right things, and every day is such a struggle. I have had to acknowledge my limitations, as they have interfered with home and work and my abilities to participate, especially because I take every effort to not look compromised. I am blessed to have great support, and my spouse’s insurance, and I put myself together every single day. That’s the big accomplishment. I don’t want to look (or sound) like I feel. Often, I can’t even answer the phone, because I don’t have the energy. Usually, I have to get myself together, have some caffeine before conversations, so that I can fully engage. Then I am spent.

My work history has been challenging. I have only been able to work part-time, and often I have had to stop to recalibrate, as daily routines for most people are just too much for me. For well over a decade, I doubted myself.  After so many years, I saw that when I have the “normal” ailments that plague people, I am better able to deal with those, than with my default body. The hardest part, though, has been feeling unproductive and having to ask for help. That is a source of shame for me.  I confess all of this because I know that there are so many people who struggle with an array of difficulties that may or may not fit our conventional categories of ability or disability. There are so many people with more seriously challenging circumstances than mine, and with more serious conditions than mine, and that has always made me question my own capabilities. We work to live, and many people live to work. I have just been working on living and have tried to maximize my unspectacular life’s work.

Thus far, my life’s work has not been published or patented, and probably not even downloaded. I have sought to share my education and appreciation for the arts with others, especially with adolescents, who even in the best of circumstances, must navigate tumult and difficult terrain . I have taught various subjects and students in a variety of educational settings, all along the spectrum of learning abilities. It’s not sexy work, (nor status work), and has often been fraught with frustration, as adolescents are intuitively gifted at frustrating adults, but I have gotten to learn and improve along the way. There are many, many bodies whose work I have supported and guided, and I hope illuminated, at least from time to time. As for my body of work….even with all the compromises and interruptions, I have worked to expand myself and others. At this point, my body is an awful lot of work. But there are still ways to participate, expand, and contribute; perhaps remotely.

I hope you are reminded that there is much joy and struggle that we often do not see when meeting others. Looks can indeed be deceiving. I am fortunate in so many ways, but I long to contribute more; to continue educating myself and others; to create connections and strengthen my community, and to support creative living and learning, even with this body of work.

Patriot Acts

Happy Juneteenth! June 19, 1865 became known as Juneteenth, after the last of the slaves, those in Texas, were finally free. Although President Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation dates back to September 1862, and took effect the following January, the last of the states to finally emancipate slaves was Texas. In Texas, Juneteenth has  been an official state holiday since 1980.  There are currently 42 states and the District of Columbia which recognize Juneteenth as either a state holiday or special day of observance.

For many, reading The Emancipation Proclamation has become the traditional Juneteenth celebration. I hope that more Americans are considering the importance of Juneteenth. As we grapple with current definitions and interpretations of freedom and the challenges we must meet in today’s world, I often look to inspiring acts of patriotism from the world of the arts and culture. Creativity comes from freedom. American arts and culture is replete with what I like to call, “patriot acts”. These works, a tiny sampling here, are inspired and inspiring, and invite us to celebrate as well as create more “patriot acts”. I’m sure you will find many, many more to enjoy as well.

Ray Charles, America the Beautiful

http://youtu.be/1OTRRzSuWro

Aaron Copland, Fanfare for the Common Man

http://youtu.be/1TLV-4HJ41s

Dylan Smith
Trumpet BM Degree Recital
Eastman School of Music
April 3, 2010

“America”-West Side Story, (1961) Rita Moreno, George Chakiris

http://youtu.be/P50NXB3R4sc

Jasper Johns, Flag, 1954-55

http://youtu.be/9bWJt2hjBH0

Billy Holiday-Strange Fruit

http://youtu.be/Web007rzSOI

Joffrey: Mavericks of American Dance-American Masters

http://youtu.be/Jh_DpDXdvkA

Richie Havens-Freedom (Woodstock 1969)

http://youtu.be/W5aPBU34Fyk

Father Time

Much of our concept of fatherhood is culturally inherited. Motherhood and fatherhood may begin biologically, but the lifespan is cultural. For parents who adopt children, they know that parenting means providing a safe home with love and guidance regardless of conception. The ways in which we parent are largely codified in our cultural DNA.

Fathers’ Day was created in Spokane Washington over a century ago by a woman who was one of six children raised by a widower. It was an attempt to create an equivalent celebration to Mothers’ Day. While the initial Mothers’ Day celebrations sought to promote peace and reconciliation after The Civil War, the impetus for a Fathers’ Day was actually a sermon  delivered in July 1908 honoring the memory of 362 men who had died earlier in the year in a coal mine explosion in West Virginia. The first Fathers’ Day was celebrated in Washington State on July 19, 1910. Certainly there was a commercial aspect that drove Mothers’ Day in a way that was not quite captured in Fathers’ Day (i.e. flowers). With The Depression, retailers began promoting neckties, pipes, socks, hats and sporting goods. During World War 2, advertisers began promoting Fathers’ Day as a way to support the war effort and honor American troops. It was not a federal holiday, but it was an American institution. It was in 1972 that Fathers’ Day officially became a federal holiday. Meanwhile, it has been an economic boon for nearly a century, and has reinforced cultural concepts of fatherhood.

In the 21st century, the cultural expectations of fatherhood are rapidly changing. Some of our artifacts of cultural notions of fatherhood are contained in television shows from the last sixty years. Television, especially sitcoms, were never about reality, of course. They were simplified versions of aspects of society. In some ways they are ridiculous, which is also what makes them enjoyable. In honor of Fathers’ Day, I have compiled a very brief list of favorite TV dads. This is by no means comprehensive. I selected shows that had the word “father” or “dad” in the title, with the exception of a few, as examples of shows where the family revolved around the father, or the parent child relationship was with a single father. There are many, many more examples of fathers on television, and I did include a few that have fathers as the main character, even if there are ensemble casts. This sampling is merely that–some examples that reflect cultural attitudes about fathers and their kids and the times in which they lived. In many ways, these shows are as much about how time and place have become cultural references as well as our notions of fatherhood. These shows depict other, larger cultural forces, even as they revolve around representations of fatherhood.

First and foremost,”father” has been the (economic) provider. Very generally, there are the two types of fathers on television, especially in the middle of the 20th century: the comfortable middle (or upper middle) class father who is the provider and gentle sage; or the bumbling dad who never seems to know what’s going on at home. Of course, these two themes were (and are still) played out as the notion that the mother is the primary caregiver, homemaker, etc, even when she also works outside the home (which we don’t really see on tv until the 1980s). There are several examples of fathers or father figures without mothers. In those cases, there is often a substitute homemaker-usually live-in help. No messy spousal arguments. Just warm, fatherly advice, and someone else to take care of the logistics of the home.

So, here’s a brief list of the father archetypes from American television, from shows that revolve around the father:

Father Knows Best 1954-1960

Archetype of the fifties male (and kept woman). White. Midwestern? Suburban.Compliant kids. Calm, sagacious father. (Robert Young)

Bachelor Father 1957-1962

Handsome, wealthy Beverly Hills attorney with chinese “houseboy”. Bentley Gregg (John Forsythe) is the uncle who adopts his teenage niece. He provides economic and emotional security (in white Beverly Hills) for her while both of them support each other emotionally as they navigate the (bland) dating scene.

Make Room for Daddy 1953- 1964

Dad the professional entertainer. White upper middle class. Urban. Young, beautiful wife. Smart mouthed son and adorable daughter.The often frustrated dad (Danny Thomas) is trying to navigate his way at home .

My Three Sons 1960-1972

Widowed aeronautical engineer Steven Douglas (Fred Mac Murray) raising 3 sons with old crotchety father-in-law or uncle (depending on season). Steve is the calmest most zen-like dad ever. The sons are, likewise, rather easygoing. White. Suburban. bland. Middle class.

Family Affair 1966-1971

Another well-to-do uncle adopting kids. NY high rise living in the sixties (that was not much like the real sixties). Uncle Bill (Brian Keith) is a civil engineer who, with the help of his butler, Mr. French, is also the calm, sagacious, father figure for the teenage Cissy, and the young twins, Buffy and Jody. White. Urban. Upper-middle class.

The Courtship of Eddie’s Father 1969-1972

Beginning of the sensitive guy (played by Bill Bixby). Another widower of the professional class, this time magazine publishing, who is raising his young son and navigating the dating scene. His son Eddie is more invested in his father’s dating life than child characters in previous shows. Meanwhile, Mrs. Livingston, the Japanese housekeeper, also provides eastern wisdom.

Sanford and Son 1972-1977

Poor African American widower living with single adult son trying to make it . This is a new type of program for the time, showing an African American experience (as did other shows of the seventies), and life in the Watts area of South Central Los Angeles.  The son, Lamont, desiring independence, must take care of his troublemaking father. A decidedly different kind of tv father-figure.

The Cosby Show 1984-1992

Upscale, professional, urban, African American.80s. Changing roles for women across demographic categories and for African Americans of  both genders. Updating wise professional father figure who could also be silly and, at times, clueless of kids’ shenanigans. A bit more sophisticated view of family life, gender and race.

Everybody Loves Raymond 1996-2005:

The classic buffoon dad(s). Ray and his father are clueless. Although the women on the show are the ones seemingly holding the family together, the old cultural ideals of the middle class father are put on display for comedy and as a means to reminding us that fatherhood must continue to evolve.

Modern Family 2009-

Four fathers:  2 Gay dads. 1 Emotive heterosexual dad.  1 Old school remarried, virile (and gruff) patriarch ( Ed O’ Neill, who was also the bumbling and gross Al Bundy on Married with Children 1987-1997). Professional, wealthy dads in the suburbs of LA. White nuclear family extends, marrying Latina (with Latino child) and gay couple adopting Asian child.  A 21st century American family.

Some other favorite tv sitcom dads include: Ward Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver), Archie Bunker (All in the Family), Mike Brady (The Brady Bunch), Dan Conner (Roseanne), Homer Simpson(The Simpsons), Peter Griffin(Family Guy).

Of course there are so many shows that we could examine for insight into cultural attitudes about fatherhood, and I have neglected the Westerns and other genres to the exclusion of sitcoms. However, there are two dramas whose protagonists are unusually interesting as fathers:

The Sopranos 1999-2007

Tony Soprano is  the FAMILY man. Everything is for the family. Which family, is debatable. But, he does love his children desperately, and his children are incredibly important to his character.

Mad Men 2007-

As Mad Men takes place from 1960-1970?, Don Draper is the embodiment of the mid 20th century white suburban upper middle class, then remarried urban, professional father who leaves the care taking of the children to the wife. On the rare occasions when he spends time with his kids, he can be kind and loving, and fun. But his demons are too powerful. He is the anti-hero Dad. Sure, Tony was a mobster, and Don is just an ad man, but Don is too far removed from his kids and can’t share his life with them.

As our cultural notions of fatherhood continue to evolve, it will be interesting to watch. Television has reflected our cultural ideals of fatherhood in perhaps exaggerated and often lighthearted ways. As gender roles continue to evolve, the nature and culture of parenting is evolving. Until we have Parents’ Day, we can spend the third Sunday in June giving time to the fathers in our lives. Their roles will always be about their relationships with their children. It’s father time. Happy Fathers’ Day.

Get Smart

One of my favorite old  television shows was “Get Smart”. It was a hilarious send up of James Bond and other spy shows, that tapped into the zeitgeist of the mid Sixties and the Cold War attitude that prevailed. While the show was a satire of the secret agent genre, it was loaded with physical comedy, sight gags, and funny catch phrases alongside action and romantic chemistry. Although the show was amusing in it’s silliness, it was also brilliant in its use of satire. CONTROL was the name of the U.S. government counter- intelligence agency based in Washington, D.C.  Maxwell Smart, aka Agent 86, the bumbling, nasal voiced, comedic version of the James Bond type (or Man from U.N.C.L.E. or many other suave spies of the era) inexplicably saved the U.S. (and presumably the world and all that is good) from the evil doers, particularly  his arch nemesis, Siegfried, head of the rival organization, KAOS. With a colorful cast of characters, including Agent 99 and The Chief, who was the head of Control, Larrabee, 44, 13, and other number secret agents, Siegfried’s right hand man, Shtarker, as well as the robot Hymie, each episode was essentially Smart and his malfunctioning gadgets (including the original Smart phone) in his attempts to bring down KAOS and save the day. So… in order to keep control, we must be smart against chaos. Oh, and the Cone of Silence never worked properly. 

In light of Edward Snowden’s recent leaks regarding U.S. data-mining programs, I am concerned about control and chaos, and the cone of silence that has pervaded both the government and our culture. We have known since 2001 when The Patriot Act was signed and took effect, that we are living in a new age with curtailed civil liberties while being hyper-connected through various gadgets. Some of us were quite apprehensive about the law then.  Also during the last decade, the business sector, with the aid of the tech industry as well as internet companies, have been mining personal data and phishing with hardly any protest from consumers/citizens. I feel as though these recent leaks have sparked a response like Maxwell Smart’s, “I asked you not to tell me that.” Perhaps there are truths to all sides of this story, not merely one of control versus chaos. Are people reacting based on political party affiliation? In this age of immediacy, the habits of mind that encourage intelligence seem to take a back seat to instantaneousness. Depth, reflection, willingness to challenge perceptions, and examining ramifications are practices that seem to be almost forgotten. To me, the data mining does not seem particularly revelatory, but it does seem to have struck a chord.

I have always found that the names The Patriot Act and Citizens United were rather ironic names. The terms Patriot and Citizen are used to name laws that favor government data mining and corporate anonymity.  I think most good citizens are concerned about privacy and security. There is a fine line between tragedy and comedy. Sometimes the art of comedy allows us to think differently and with some reflection without the emotional weight of tragedy. With the Snowden leak, we have an opportunity to re-examine our notions of liberty and security, and maybe some of our laws. But this is serious stuff that needs serious thought, not knee-jerk party-line reactions. It’s time to seriously get smart!

No Problem?

An aspect of youth culture that each generation seems to embrace on its own, is the lingo of the day. Gee is just a letter now. Swell is what happens when something puffs up. Groovy? Um…that’s just old fashioned now. Some current expressions are not necessarily new words, but newer or greater usages of already existing words. Awesome. Of course, the word “awesome” has lost it’s power, which was it’s original meaning. (Powerfully inspiring; daunting; stunning; amazing; breathtaking.) Likewise, the use of the word “epic” has become rather pedestrian. Epic fail.  I remember when one of my kids first said “my bad” to me. It was in response to some mess or something that broke. I remember feeling confused. I was expecting an “I’m sorry,” or “my fault”, or “my mistake”, or even “oh no!” . My bad? In my ignorance I tried to do the parenting thing whereby the parent distinguishes the person from the behavior (or result of the behavior). “No, you’re not bad….”. After a humiliating glare from this young adolescent, a rare occurrence ensued–a vocabulary lesson. From the kid. I got that “my bad” is used linguistically like  an apology, or “ my mistake”, but without acknowledging the mistake or an apology. A mistake is an opportunity to correct. An apology is contrition. “My bad” is an acknowledgement that something went wrong. Oh well. I get the current usage, but can’t help but think that there is significance to the lack of consideration of mistakes, opportunities to correct, or contrition. It’s a larger cultural phenomenon, not merely lingo.

Many have bemoaned the youthful,contagious response to “thank you”: “no problem”. Really, there is nothing wrong with someone saying “no problem”. I’m glad there was no problem. However, “you’re welcome” is much more of an acknowledgement. To thank someone for something or for a service and to receive the acknowledgement that one is welcome to that opportunity is how we create cohesion. Not having a problem is lucky. It does not create social cohesion. “No problem” is used linguistically in the same way that “you’re welcome” is used (without the welcoming), just like “my bad” is used like “I’m sorry” (without the apology).

Yes, each generation has it’s jargon and expressions, and in some ways they differentiate the generations even though there may be parallels. We don’t just identify an era (or generation)by the lingo, although like music and fashion and other art and design styles, we have clues to understanding the era. New words or expressions are in part an attempt to distinguish an era. This is now. “My bad” may be used like ‘my mistake’ or ‘I’m sorry’, but it is interesting to note the lack of contrition. We live in an era of not taking full responsibility. We hear politicians all the time saying that they take full responsibility for something wrong, but it seems like just saying “I take responsibility” is taking responsibility. “My bad.” Move on. Likewise, problems are either avoided or disregarded. “No problem.” There are enormous problems with our infrastructure, education, economy and jobs, environmental concerns, and endless wars and violence (among many other issues), and while we are thankful for what we have, we are not welcome to engage in coherent solutions. “No problem”. There has always been loyal opposition in politics, but because of ubiquitous media and the changing state and quality of journalism, it seems like this era is not only less polite, but less about engagement and social cohesion. There will always be problems to solve and mistakes to correct.. Situations are not static. They reverberate. Responsibility and relationship are essential and always unfolding, unless they are cut off. “No problem.” No thank you.

If Memory Serves….

Originally called Decoration Day, Memorial Day, celebrated today, the last Monday in May, is observed in remembrance of those who died in service to our country. More accurately, Memorial Day is a national holiday recognizing military personnel who died during war. For many, the memorial aspect is secondary to the barbeques  and pool openings and retail bargains and the unofficial commencement of summer. For others, Memorial Day is about patriotism. For them it is literally about their loved ones being wrapped in the flag.

Decoration Day was initially a day set aside to place flowers or other decorations on the graves of Civil War soldiers. It was not a national holiday at the outset, and Northern states observed Decoration Day on a different day from Southern states. After WW1, the nation as a whole began to commemorate soldiers who died in war, and Memorial Day has become a tragic tradition that unites us in loss, as so many have died in so many wars,with the expectation that there will always be more.

Unlike the Civil War, or even the World Wars , Korea and Vietnam, today the country acknowledges those lost in wars, but many citizens have not experienced the loss personally. Military families are no longer all families. But service should be in all families. Whether or not it is military service, perhaps we can use this Memorial Day to consider service in its myriad possibilities for bettering our communities and our country.

Many people give their lives to service. They may not lose their lives to service, but find that in serving others, they are creating better communities. We need to consider these acts of national pride as well. In addition to military personnel, police and firefighters have chosen careers that put themselves in harm’s way in service to our communities. We should remember them. We should acknowledge them. We should be more connected to those members in our communities who service us. Teachers service us. No, they do not risk life or limb except in unusual circumstances, but the choice to teach kids is in service to our communities and to our nation. We have begun to encourage young people to serve–not just militarily, but in numerous ways in their communities. This Memorial Day, as some decorate graves of fallen soldiers, and others fire up the grill, let us consider the prospect that the term servicemen or servicewomen need not be limited to the military. If memory serves, then let us all be servicemen and servicewomen. Let us give more of our lives without losing them to violence in the name of freedom.

reality shows

Reality shows us unimaginable forces. Tornados violently devastating towns, leveling neighborhoods for miles; teachers sheltering children from savage storms and at other times, from deranged  murderers; first responders rushing to save and assist victims; caregivers everywhere attending to needs great and small; love among family members and friends…..These are the images of reality that are continuously shown on our screens in the aftermath of dramatic events. They may be gripping events, and often seem unprecedented, yet it is the reality of the human responses that grips us. We may not know or understand all the facts that contribute to such absorbing incidents, but we have immediate and visceral responses to them. Sometimes those experiences are overwhelming or maddening, but often they are invitations to examine ourselves.

These events become the stuff of history, and therefore lessons. The truths of these events– the forces preceding the events and the forces of the events, as well as the aftermath, become the stuff of art.  In the meantime, we watch and listen to images of reality that force us to imagine what we would be; what we could be; what we should be.

On days like today, reality shows us the art of living.