Community service

Mom Genes

Mother— defined by a concept and/or conception.

Culturally, we have inherited concepts of Mother, that have often been confused with biology. Women have inherited mothering traits that are largely determined by our cultural DNA (supported by biological DNA). We tend to think that biology is supported by culture, but that is certainly not always the case.

Our cultural DNA still has us favoring Mom as the primary caregiver and nurturer. However, cultural norms are changing for men and women allowing biology to not be destiny, and enabling new configurations of family (and work) life. Still, our cultural DNA insists on a concept of Mother as primary caregiver and nurturer that has endured various sociological tweaks and scientific breakthroughs.

The biological necessities of motherhood are rather short lived, compared to the cultural ones. Of course, that is because children take so darn long to grow up (biologically and culturally). So, Mother, as a concept, may commence with knowledge of conception, but it lingers long after (or beyond) any physical imperatives. Our cultural DNA ensures that Mother is not only a physical event and a psychological necessity, but also a cultural idea.

Not an ideal, but an idea. There have always been adoptive parents and wet nurses, and ways around non-biological mothering. In recent decades, in vitro fertilization, and various hormone treatments, surrogacy, and other heretofore unimaginable methods have expanded the possibilities for motherhood. (and for TLC shows). We have an idea (and an ideal) of Mother, but when it comes to kids, our culture seems to be very non-maternal, and very unsupportive of mothers, especially struggling mothers.

The current concept of Mother dovetails on earlier cultural concepts of the long suffering but ever loving nurturer, nowadays schlepping all day every day. Always frazzled, running late, eating on the go, texting or skyping to stay connected. Dinner is an ideal. Basic nutrition is not so basic; nor is it convenient or affordable. It’s a luxury. Schools are stressors for kids and (mostly) Moms. Mothers are preoccupied with keeping their children occupied–for their safety; for scheduling around work; for building the kids’ resumes. There is little down time and, like the adult world, busyness is equated with productivity and worth. In our culture today, if Mom is busy, she’s doing it right. Mothers’ Day in 2015 means a day with answered texts and probably a call, and an opportunity to not schlep.

As a culture, we consider the nurturers and caregivers the least worthy of respect. Oh, there’s lip service, but not policy or compensation. We outsource caregiving and devalue it– at home, school, hospital, assisted living. The primary cultural concept of Mother as caregiver and nurturer–that which describes our Mom Genes– is in fact devalued in our cultural reality. Like an appendix, we are left with Mothers’ Day.

Perhaps starting with this Mothers’ Day, you can contribute to work/programs/organizations that make a difference to mothers and children. What can you do beyond Mothers’ Day? Consider how well those Mom Genes fit. Maybe it’s time for alterations.  Here’s to a Happy Mothers’ Day (and many more)!

B’More

The Gray Matter–The matter of 25 year old Freddy Gray’s death from a severed spine after being in police custody last week, has inspired peaceful protest for police reform, as well as outrageous violence, rioting, looting and arson. Gray was arrested by Baltimore Police 2 weeks ago. What exactly happened after he was taken into police custody is unclear, or at least unanswered to the public. The issue of police brutality has been painted in black and white, and the recent high profile cases of deaths occurring at the hands of police officers has much of the public outraged by excessive violence from the police.

The police departments have suggested that these tragedies have occurred within the confines of the law, and that violent suspects,or suspects near violence, have caused the police reactions. Kill or be killed. Is it just the rogue cop or two (in each precinct)? It’s got to be more than that.

Those who say that they understand the rage underneath the current violence in Baltimore because there are no longer decent jobs due to globalization, must be younger than I (and/or unaware of history). I was born and raised in B’more, and lived there until I was 17. Baltimore always seemed deeply segregated to me. Racially, economically, ethnically…..and there was a terribly impoverished inner city long before globalization. I moved from Baltimore in 1981. It was always an extremely dangerous (and sad) place to me, despite its other charms. There are beautiful areas, historic, cultural, quirky, and also the hideous stuff that provided the stories for “The Wire” and “Homicide”.

It is easy to lump all the recent police brutality incidents together; all these racially charged incidents together; impoverished areas with high crime rates together. There are indeed similarities and patterns.There also seems to be an unwillingness to acknowledge the entrenched tragedies on all sides: thugs who are cops and thugs who are not cops; an entrenched system of economic failure and a culture of violence; lack of vision; lack of hope; lack of change; lack of leadership; lack of decent homes, schools, or jobs; not being more.

The violence following the protests and funeral for Freddy Gray yesterday were disturbing and sad, but sadly, not unfamiliar nor unexpected. We wanted B’more to BE MORE. We want all of our communities to BE MORE for all of us. We want our police to BE MORE for all of us. We want our elected officials to BE MORE for all of us. We want our schools and medical facilities to BE MORE for all of us.

Maybe the takeaway from B’More is just that. Be More than your circumstances. Be More than your fears. Be More than your anger. Be More than your habits. Be More than your desires. Be More than you’ve been, or than you might have been. Be more for all of us.

From Greatness to Goodness

As a culture, we seem to be hell bent on greatness. The push to be the best is our birthright and our destiny. How can we be anything other than the greatest? That’s the definition of America, isn’t it? And of the approximately 10 generations since the birth of the greatest nation on earth, the Greatest Generation fought and won WWII. Oh dear….if the greatest generation has already lived it’s life span, then of course we are in decline as a nation.

But the story of The Greatest Generation lives on, and for the children and grandchildren, and great grandchildren, success and excellence are the expectations. The post-WWII generations aspired to greater education, greater professions,greater salaries, greater houses, greater cars, greater tvs and stereos, and later computers and much greater electronics and stuff.

For a while, mid-century, there was greater inclusion and justice. There was greater art and music, and innovations in early education, entertainment and medicine. Neil Armstrong became the faceless face of American greatness of spirit and technology. Somehow anything was possible if “we” could put a man on the moon.

We like to think that greatness is in our American DNA, and therefore shared among Americans. Even as we cherish individualism, we like to think that we all have some share of the greatness. If we have inherited greatness in our American DNA, then certainly we can pass on the Greatness Genome.

Usually, we associate greatness with exceptional achievement. Sometimes, greatness is merely celebrity or renown. We attribute significance to those whom we consider to have greatness.

Those who bemoan our loss of greatness, tend to find significance in power and status, sometimes at the expense of goodness.

I am more interested in goodness than in greatness. If my students grew up to be good citizens, and my children responsible, caring adults, and I could contribute even through writing, that would be good work.

We’ve had national failures throughout our history, and recently a series of setbacks and scares that have many suggesting that our greatest days are behind us. Like any of us have experienced individually, failures and setbacks demand recalibration. Instead of focusing on power and status, focusing on goodness–doing good work– will surely bring about true greatness.

When we have been undeniably great, we have fought tyranny and injustice. We have created opportunities for all, regardless of status or background. We have connected and protected each other and been generous. We have extended goodwill and behaved with integrity and benevolence. When we have been truly at our greatest, we have manifested goodness.

Summer Camp

July 2013 is winding down, but summer camp is still in session. Detroit officially declared bankruptcy, the largest municipal bankruptcy in U.S. history thus far, and there has been significantly more media attention on Britain’s royal baby, Boy George, and on Carlos Danger, aka Anthony Weiner. The hype over the royal baby has been almost comical, as it has no bearing on anything in the near future. As for tragi-comedy….the over exposure  of Anthony Weiner (yes, that’s right) is beyond absurd. Have we had enough of this camp?

There is so little discussion of issues of importance, whether they relate to the future of Detroit and other cities, or the other candidates in the New York City races (besides Spitzer and Weiner and their overly public so-called private lives). How many people know about the political experiences and stances of the other candidates? Municipal government has become increasingly more important as urban population growth continues to rise. While the decline of Detroit has been known for some time, the actual effects on public services and foreclosed buildings, among other issues plaguing the city, have recently been illuminated in light of the declaration of bankruptcy. These are important matters for all of us– for Detroit and for metropolitan areas across the country.

Unbridled ambition, tangled sexcapades, attempted redemption….this is the stuff of the arts, not politics. That doesn’t mean that we ignore ridiculous behavior of politicians or other potential leaders. We know the stories and the arguments. We’ve lived through this too many times in real life, much less in literature, theater, opera, symphonies, ballets, poetry, art…. The most unsavory part of these stories isn’t the sins that were committed or mistakes made, but the attention seeking that keeps the rest of us from getting beyond the drama (or cartoon) that has become what we refer to as news.

This summer camp has not been a refuge from school and parents. This sort of camp has been great for comedians, and I’ve enjoyed the late night fodder. If only it were just the stuff of the arts or entertainment. It’s been over the top, at the expense of seriously considering policies and actions that could actually improve lives. There are endeavors that we can take in our communities that elevate us, and that contribute to positive discourse and impact others in positive ways. Everyday actions that inspire and support deserve more attention than the distractions from important matters and those who seek the attention of gawkers. After summer camp, it’s back to school.

If Memory Serves….

Originally called Decoration Day, Memorial Day, celebrated today, the last Monday in May, is observed in remembrance of those who died in service to our country. More accurately, Memorial Day is a national holiday recognizing military personnel who died during war. For many, the memorial aspect is secondary to the barbeques  and pool openings and retail bargains and the unofficial commencement of summer. For others, Memorial Day is about patriotism. For them it is literally about their loved ones being wrapped in the flag.

Decoration Day was initially a day set aside to place flowers or other decorations on the graves of Civil War soldiers. It was not a national holiday at the outset, and Northern states observed Decoration Day on a different day from Southern states. After WW1, the nation as a whole began to commemorate soldiers who died in war, and Memorial Day has become a tragic tradition that unites us in loss, as so many have died in so many wars,with the expectation that there will always be more.

Unlike the Civil War, or even the World Wars , Korea and Vietnam, today the country acknowledges those lost in wars, but many citizens have not experienced the loss personally. Military families are no longer all families. But service should be in all families. Whether or not it is military service, perhaps we can use this Memorial Day to consider service in its myriad possibilities for bettering our communities and our country.

Many people give their lives to service. They may not lose their lives to service, but find that in serving others, they are creating better communities. We need to consider these acts of national pride as well. In addition to military personnel, police and firefighters have chosen careers that put themselves in harm’s way in service to our communities. We should remember them. We should acknowledge them. We should be more connected to those members in our communities who service us. Teachers service us. No, they do not risk life or limb except in unusual circumstances, but the choice to teach kids is in service to our communities and to our nation. We have begun to encourage young people to serve–not just militarily, but in numerous ways in their communities. This Memorial Day, as some decorate graves of fallen soldiers, and others fire up the grill, let us consider the prospect that the term servicemen or servicewomen need not be limited to the military. If memory serves, then let us all be servicemen and servicewomen. Let us give more of our lives without losing them to violence in the name of freedom.

Future Tense

It used to be that the future was exciting.  Of course, that was in the past. Now, in the present, yesterday’s future, we fear the future. Whether it’s: terrorism, nuclear obliteration, the next super-bug, or super-storm; climate change, crushing debt, or no more jobs; politicians who don’t stand for us, corporations who speak over us, horse meat and hormones, or unriching education, we are growing increasingly more tense about the future.

We have ample evidence today that we have many issues to tackle.  Even more disconcerting, is the rationale against tackling issues. We see how seemingly intractable so many problems have become. People across the political spectrum have dug in their heels, and have been most concerned with ideological purity and political power. Instead of climbing mountains, or even seeing that shining city on a hill, we’re staring down fiscal cliffs. Cynics have divided us into makers and takers (although I’m not sure everyone would agree who’s who). Hope and change became nope and same. Everyone is disgusted and fearful.

Despite the reality upon which our fears are based, we are becoming blinded by the fear. When teaching History to high school students, I remind them of other periods when the world seemed like it was about to end, or at least had turned very dark. When they can imagine their grandparents’ world, and that life continued, and the future included their lives, they can begin to shift their perspectives.

History is a great teacher. So too are the arts. The combination is most effective in conveying ways in which humans have confronted issues and experienced difficulties and forged new ways to shape lives and communities. I encourage teachers to include paintings and music, as well as dance and theatre in their History classes. I also encourage a fusion of History with Math and Science, and of course integrating the arts in those classes as well. Perspective is important in each subject (and in life), and is easily exemplified in the arts. Students in Language Arts classes learn perspective (person) in grammar and literature (through character and voice). Education is not merely the accumulation of facts. It is in fact to enrich (not unrich) our lives; to broaden our perspectives.

As a nation, we have been struggling with accountability in education. Students are assessed; teachers are assessed; and schools are assessed. I’m not sure that our assessments are  actually geared toward improving education, despite the good intentions. Moreover, the focus on those assessments as the determiners of future status for students, teachers, and schools, has created greater tension and a more limited education.

Given the many challenges that we must meet in our schools, our communities, our politics, and in all aspects of our lives, it is easy to be cynical and fearful. When we are fearful, we shut down possibilities. When we nurture our creative instincts, we begin to think in the future tense, creating possibilities and improving  what was started.

Good Work

For many, work may or may not be enjoyable, but it is doable. They have the proclivities and skill sets to manage their tasks, and with the appropriate disposition and drive, will continue to reap the rewards of their work as well as have opportunities to expand. This is true for any work, including school, from the earliest years, although certainly skill sets, habits, and mastery develop over time.

For many others, work and school may or may not be enjoyable, but can be extremely difficult to do. They may have circumstances and/or proclivities that impede their abilities to develop skill sets and manage their tasks, and perhaps for a variety of reasons, lack the appropriate disposition and drive to work. It is certainly easier (and more rewarding) to teach,parent,coach,manage, and inspire talented and driven kids and adults. What about those, who for any number of reasons, do not respond positively to the work? For those who are successful (in any sense), it is difficult to understand why those less successful don’t just adopt successful practices. It is frustrating for those trying to educate, parent, coach or manage those who don’t “get with the program”.

Our attempts to develop good students and good workers are fueled by our cultural concepts of work (and success). We seem to be a bit confused. In the last generation, we have seen not just an increase in busyness, but a cultural shift that supports busyness. Perhaps we are confusing busyness with good work.

We can do a better job of supporting our next generation meet the adult world and its attendant tasks, by allowing kids to experience work as more than being busy. For some kids, work is particularly effortful when circumstances and proclivities inhibit abilities and attention. They are often not able to be effective. While we may not all be able to do ideal work or derive joy from our jobs, we can do good work in our communities. Many schools over the last generation have added community service requirements. (I don’t like the term community service as it connotes parole.) The intention to create caring citizens is indeed admirable. Now we need to extend what was started, to  truly value work that contributes to others as good work.  Too often kids accumulate hours without connecting to new people or ideas. This is busyness, even when the tasks are for good causes. Much of the busyness of our lives is necessary, but we could still be less busy and do better work, by expanding “the program” and including all types of kids and adults. Contributing to others and broadening and strengthening our communities, and yes, bridging our schools to the greater community, strengthens the best in all of us and enables us to discover skill sets that may not have been tapped thus far.