health

Plastic Surgery

I’m a hypocrite;

I know it.

I admit it,

though

I think 

the problem

is public

as well as

corporate.

I know

it would be

drastic

to forgo

the use of

plastic,

because it

really is

fantastic,

but it’s 

poisonous.

Poisoning us

like smoking

does,

without noticing

thus.

Leaching into

water sources,

air and soil,

natural resources,

mammals

and all animals,

and the atmosphere

here

on earth,

is deceptively toxic

from so much plastic.

Who knew 

that from

the era of

“The Graduate”

we’d gradually,

inadvertently,

blindly,

slowly

kill everything.

Micro 

and nano

plastics

are found

underground

and inside us.

But the demand

for change

in how we 

arrange

our lives

for health

is rather strange.

We know

the plastic

problem

continues

to grow,

though we

dare not

abstain,

which is 

a stain

on our 

humanity.

Kennedy,

the Secretary

of Health,

and Human

Services,

has an opportunity

to shift away

from mRNA

funding cuts,

to finding 

the guts

to take on

Big Plastic.

It’s so ubiquitous,

this poisonous

stuff 

that’s poisoning

us 

and the environment,

but its

retirement

is not yet

a conversation.

It will 

necessitate

those who 

might hesitate

to boldly

demand policy

private

and public,

that plastic

becomes

less ubiquitous

and poisonous

to us

and every

living thing

around us.

Start here:

https://www.beyondplastics.org/act

https://www.beyondplastics.org/

Flossing

I have never 

been much

for New Year’s

resolutions,

though

I tend 

to set

goals

anyway.

Of course

I forget 

the goals

I set

within weeks.

But 

at the end

of each

year

I promise

to adhere

to flossing.

My oral hygiene

is otherwise

pristine

with electric

toothbrush

and water pic.

But flossing

consistently

continues

to elude me;

I hate it.

It’s gross.

And my teeth

are too close

on one side.

That aside,

I know

it’s important

and despite

this chore

I abhor,

I want to

explore

the spaces

between—

flossing

as metaphor.

In 2023

the unexpected

tested

my ability

to adapt.

Being 

in the space

between 

what had seemed

to be

solid structures,

then fearing

erosion,

with protruding

particles

that needed

removing,

I often chose

merely

disapproving

hoping

to let

stuff dissolve.

But from

the personal

to the political

I now resolve

again,

this time

publicly,

to floss

each day;

to clear

a space

where no

articles

or particles

of what was

otherwise

digested,

remain

taunting

my tongue.

Committing 

to thread

instead

of mere 

disgust,

even when

there’s plenty 

of disgust

to discuss,

I intend to

explore

the metaphor

of flossing:

tossing

my own gunk

away

to better survey

all the stories

we replay

and say

on assumption

post

consumption.

Here’s 

to a cleaner

and healthier

space

we create

by resolution

and constitution

(and prosecution)

and evolution

and conclusion.

Flossing as metaphor

in 2024—

clearing space

to embrace

the better,

and to rid us

of the disgrace

that has threatened

our health.

Happy 

and Healthy

New Year!

Gutted

It’s so very

exhausting.

Thoughts

abound

suggesting how

to live 

better.

More this.

Less that.

Kale?

Pro

Democracy.

Anti

Autocracy.

Greener.

Cleaner.

Healthier planet,

gut,

you name it.

Safety.

Growth.

Resilience.

Endless

issues

demanding

urgent,

immediate

attention.

Everything

feels like

crisis

self imposed.

Backlash to

institutional

disparities,

injustices,

bigotries—

hate

with deep roots

like oaks trees

and hickories

live for 

centuries.

It’s overwhelming

and painful

to reckon

how we are

living now.

I can not 

tolerate

the intolerable,

or accept

the unacceptable,

which is inundating 

us 

daily. 

I am enervated

but not 

yet

defeated.

The culture 

that I embraced

is being 

gutted

without conditions

suitable

for growth. 

We may

or may not

need kale,

but the gut

needs

to be rid

of toxins

and create

homeostasis

to foster 

health. 

Choice Cuts

Fear always

feels 

like avoiding 

suffering.

Putting up 

a wall

shutting out 

that visitor

who stays 

too long.

Maybe suffering

is a ghost;

a memory

that haunts

with threats

of incapacitating

or decapitating

abilities.

Suffering

is the evil

twin

of resilience.

Sapping

strength,

balance,

and agility,

suffering

conquers

us 

and 

is

an identity

thief.

It’s got

our 

number:

Persistently 

calling

us

to answer

their scam,

distracting 

us

incessantly 

from 

the rest

of life.

Resilience 

acknowledges

pain

and 

has space

for choice.

Suffering

devours

choice 

and 

hope,

limiting

possibility

to be

otherwise.

Resilience

remembers

accomplishment

with pain

and the possibility

of overcoming

overwhelming

experiences.

Suffering  is

a condition.

Pain is

an experience,

perhaps prolonged,

and even

from

a condition,

that is a part

of life—

not the experience

of life

itself. 

Pain 

is

a fact.

Suffering 

is 

a choice.

Scream Too

Why didn’t you scream?

(Subtext: 

If you were really

Raped,

You would have

Screamed.)

For help…

From Pain…

It’s 2023

I want 

To scream,

At the persistence

Of the insistence

Of blaming

Actual

Victims

While Claiming

To be the one

Attacked.

Of all the ways

To cross

Examine,

Why didn’t you scream?

Exposes the truth:

Not everyone is

A screamer.

I want 

To scream too

When the dignity

Of human

Life

Is ascribed to

A fetus

And not to

The woman

Or girl

Who is pregnant.

Ignoring

Medical realities,

Much less care

For women and girls

Or really anyone

After being born,

Is inhumane.

The guy 

Who just 

Walks up to

Women 

After a tic tac

And kisses

Them,

And says

He justs

Grabs them

By the pussy,

Probably did

Not have

A traumatic 

Experience 

That defined

The rest of

Life

From that

Time in

The dressing 

Room.

Women’s experiences

Have too long

Been silenced

Or taught

To be silent.

The courageous

Women

Who 

This week

Stepped forward

Not to scream

But to tell

Of the inhumanity

Of being denied

Speaks volumes

About those who

Minimize what women

And girls continue

To endure,

And ensure

That women

And girls

Have little to no

Say.

Why don’t

We scream!

Urgent Care

Today this

hurts.

And yesterday’s

ache

is still 

tender.

My tracker

indicates

sufficient

sleep 

and oxygen,

yet I

gasp

each day

and 

am terribly

aware

of threatening

conditions.

According

to my 

data,

everything

ranges from

good to

optimal.

Apparently,

this is accurate

information

when sleeping.

The data

does not

describe

my being

awake.

Sure,

I can 

see my

heart

rate

at any 

time

of day.

It races,

which 

could become

a hurdle

in itself. 

I am 

unaware

of my 

nocturnal

gasps

for air, 

but I cringe

and tense

myself

with news

with open

eyes

feeling

compelled 

to be 

awake.

I don’t 

really matter

to the news,

but think 

it matters

to me.

Doesn’t it?

I want 

to be

awake

to act

as necessary.

Every day

feels 

urgent

and filled

with issues

about which

to care.

The aches

and pains

and gasps

from each

news

cycle

are symptoms

of a deep

love

and loss

of functionality

of humans.

And nature.

What could be

more urgent

than us

and our

environment

that nourishes

our insides?

Work

It’s

Working

For

Now.

Fear 

Is

The combustible

Engine

We drive

Barely

Navigating

This dirt

Road— 

Narrow,

Bumpy, 

Endless.

Dead

End

Signs

Everywhere,

Looking

For

Off

Ramps,

Seeing

Nothing

But

Torment.

Exhausted,

Thirsty,

Without

Appetite

Being

Responsible

Despite

Everything.

Is

This

Being

Responsible?

Barely

Surviving;

Constantly

Depleted?

Objects

In

Mirror

Are 

Closer

Than 

They 

Appear.

Difficult

Choices

Increasingly

Limited,

Seeing

No

New

Options.

Not

A

Path

But

A ditch

From which

Wheels

Spin.

Ditch

The vehicle

Transporting

Nowhere

As this fear

Feels

Safer than

Others.

It’s 

Familiar,

Albeit

Amplified.

Convinced

That

Alternate

Routes

Do

Not

Exist

Now,

And

Alternate

Facts

Prevail,

Stop

Believing

This

Stuff!

Doing

Something

Else

Can work. 

Nervous System

Working in

aggregate,

coordinating

movement,

a network

of cells

sends 

signals;

agitating,

threatening,

overtaking,

oppressing

such that 

disorder

overwhelms;

paralyzing

developmental

processes,

limiting 

capacity,

as

patterns

reveal

themselves.

However

stuck

we

feel,

the knot

is 

not

all

the 

system

can

accomodate.

Prepare For Good Luck

I always prepare for good luck. Now, we are all truly preparing for good luck. My fear, aside from loved ones becoming sick with COVID19, and an even more unmanageable situation in hospitals and throughout, is that we begin to fear one another even more than we did. I fear that the virus will be a brand, like HIV-AIDS was. Despite the more ubiquitousness of COVID19, people who are not (yet) sick, may have a false sense not only of security, but of ability.

I fear that people may begin to regard those who are sick and not in the most vulnerable demographics as being worthy of condemnation or suspicion, merely for becoming sick. I fear the original usage of social distancing. I fear our loss of compassion just as we were beginning to find some. 

There is much to fear at this moment, as so much is beyond our control. While attempting to stay informed, I confess that I protect my fragile psyche with not entertaining thoughts about the looming disaster while still doing whatever I can within reason to ensure comfort and endurance, at least for the next couple of weeks at a time. It’s all I can do. (That, and utter gratitude for all that I have.)

I have always felt incredibly lucky. That doesn’t mean that there has never been effort or challenge. Of course there has been plenty, like anyone else, and I know that pain and suffering—physical and mental–are debilitating. Too often I have been fearful, which is its own form of pain and suffering, and exacerbates all conditions. It distorts and diminishes possibility. It infects on top of infections. And when fear arises within me, I feel powerless.

I am not unafraid of the possibilities of bad luck in this time of COVID19, but I am not particularly afraid. That could change at any time, of course, but now I am mostly afraid of fear (thank you, FDR), and what suffering it causes. 

Much has already been acknowledged about how much has been laid bare as we are scrambling to prepare for good luck across the globe, but especially across the USA. The crisis will not be forever, but who knows how long temporary is? The dire prospects are most unsettling, even imagining the aftermath. As we have seen before, the possibility of compassion and responsibility redefining us as we meet this novel virus is upon us. There is also the possibility of being overwhelmed by fear and losing our greatest strength, our compassion.

We are social beings who can’t be social right now. Our social distancing is, ironically, a way to be social while attempting to mitigate exposure to the virus. As we are beginning to meet this challenge and be prepared, prepare to dig deep to mitigate fear. Be compassionate to yourself and others, and prepare for good luck. 

Prequel

I can’t wait until Sunday night. I have been eagerly anticipating being swept away into another world — looking forward to the past.

Sunday night is the premier of Better Call Saul, the prequel to Breaking Bad. Aside from looking forward to revisiting rich (and hilarious) characters from one of the truly great tv shows, and getting to watch the art that is the combination of great writing, directing and acting, there’s something compelling about a back story.

We love prequels–the stories written after, but that take place before, the stories we already know. Think: Godfather II, Wicked, Gotham, to name a few very successful prequels. These are the backstories of characters whom we originally met as adults in other stories, with qualities that made them distinctive. The prequels give us the stories of circumstances and relationships that gave rise to those distinctive qualities and formed those characters.

When watching or reading a prequel we already know what will happen years later. Many prequels, however, are less satisfying than the works that preceded them. It is a formidable task to re-create all the elements that worked so perfectly in preceding forms. It can also be confusing to talk about later works that are supposed to predate earlier ones, because in real life, we presume that the present includes all the knowledge and wisdom and information possible to make our circumstances the best possible.

In real life, we’ve seen a blowback to those who seem to live in a prequel to 2015. The 2015 outbreak of measles proves that vaccinations have been one of the crowning achievements of science of the 20th century. The measles vaccine has been available, albeit in different forms, for 50 years. Measles and other illnesses that once regularly killed, have been mostly eradicated with the use of vaccinations. But vaccinations only work if everyone uses them. In the 21st century, some have chosen to live a prequel–a recreated fiction that does not include the actual (scientific) knowledge that exists to date, but without considering consequences to others (who live in the present). The current outbreak suggests that those who have not vaccinated their children have actually contributed to this current outbreak of measles.

I understand the fears and questions relating to vaccines and other medical interventions. We have learned from medical mistakes (e.g. thalidomide, among others) and the concerns that we over use antibiotics and other medications and interventions are valid ones. That doesn’t diminish the essential value of antibiotics and vaccinations. They are life saving, and in the 21st century, their use and antiviral use, as well as other immunological interventions will evolve to be more individualized and precise so that they can be more effective.

When we read and watch prequels, we are always aware of what will ultimately happen. We have the most up to date knowledge and wisdom that the characters in the prequel don’t have. I am looking forward to watching the prequel of the character who looked like the ultimate ambulance chaser with his Better Call Saul ads on Breaking Bad. In real life, I am looking forward to the 21st century sequels to 20th century medical breakthroughs, and encourage those who seem to prefer the prequel, (those who have rejected vaccines), to consider their choices in the context of public health and safety. We already know the consequences.