Urgent Care

Today this


And yesterday’s


is still 


My tracker




and oxygen,

yet I


each day


am terribly


of threatening



to my 



ranges from

good to



this is accurate


when sleeping.

The data

does not


my being



I can 

see my



at any 


of day.

It races,


could become

a hurdle

in itself. 

I am 


of my 



for air, 

but I cringe

and tense


with news

with open




to be 


I don’t 

really matter

to the news,

but think 

it matters

to me.

Doesn’t it?

I want 

to be


to act

as necessary.

Every day



and filled

with issues

about which

to care.

The aches

and pains

and gasps

from each



are symptoms

of a deep


and loss

of functionality

of humans.

And nature.

What could be

more urgent

than us

and our


that nourishes

our insides?

Low Grade

It wasn’t just that Michelle Obama recently expressed how we all feel these days (… weeks, months, years), but that she articulated the truth with such precision: “some sort of low-grade depression”.  I think that’s how we knew it was/is the truth. There was a universal nod. YEP. 

We are all trying to cope with extreme and constant disruption, even when we are basically ok. We are fearful and angry. We are frustrated and fatigued. We are anxious and sad. Even when we are otherwise ok. We don’t feel ok. Ok. America is not ok, even if individuals are hanging in there. 

We are terrified of the fever out there. Everything feels feverish. The intensity of the fever overwhelms, and the experience for most of us is exhaustion. Low-grade depression. Meanwhile, the POTUS seems to do everything possible to enable the fever’s spread. Whether or not he experiences delusions, he inspires them. 

The multiple contagions afflicting us feel overpowering. The persistence is enervating. How will we be able to live with this going forward? 

When we can’t just breathe, because a police officer is shooting or choking someone, or COVID-19 has consumed one’s lung capacity, we can air the truth. Thank you, Michelle Obama.

I couldn’t help but notice that her choice of words, “low-grade depression”, which seemed to resonate so exactly with our experience, was so perfect for this moment. No one seems to care more about grades than Trump. I’m not aware of any adult who cares about grades (other than being concerned about their kids’ grades). 

When Trump was saying anything to get media attention during the Obama administration, he glommed onto the “Birther” conspiracy theory in attempt to get attention, test the political winds, fan the fires of racism, build his brand, and whatever else explains his disgusting lies. But he also made a point of bringing up (or making up) President Obama’s grades. Even then I thought it was a weird and pathetic attempt to make some sort of point. 

Trump ran for POTUS talking about having “the best words”, and his great grades, and other school related nonsense. Remember when Michael Cohen revealed that Trump directed him to ensure that the College Board and colleges never release Trump’s grades or SATs? What is it with Trump and grades? 

Of course, he projects and lies and is shameless in doing so. 

And we are struggling on every front as a result of Trump’s incompetence, corruption, and shamefulness. He gets the lowest grade of any POTUS. 


Why has no one called for Trump’s resignation? His commuting Roger Stone’s prison sentence, despite ample evidence of Stone’s guilt, provided the familiar dyspepsia of horror without surprise.  Trump’s gall is endless. As is Stone’s. (I’m sure there’s a gallstone joke somewhere….)

But even Mitt Romney, who dared to vote to convict Trump, and called Stone’s commutation “unprecedented, historic corruption”, didn’t call for Trump’s resignation. Why bother? Americans can vote him out in November.

We heard that argument before the Impeachment proceedings. It’s too risky. We can just vote him out. Meanwhile, what could possibly be worse than what lead to the Impeachment?

Amidst the heinous policies against immigrants, that includes family separations still, and caging children, Trump has withdrawn from our allies and has continued to cozy up to autocrats. He is unconcerned with the plight of Americans, or those who seek to live as Americans, unless he benefits personally. 

Meanwhile, the only one who has not begun to confront the hideous, systemic racism embedded in our American being, is Trump. As the country is pained and seeks healing and transformation, he wants to restore the statues that glorified the Confederacy—that seceded from the U.S! As statues came down, literally all that’s left is the base.

And yet, while we as a country have been resigned to racism in insidious forms, we are being lead once again by a movement toward dignity—Black Lives Matter. The overt brutality caught on video has been effective in showing what most White people don’t see or experience. There is profound concern that the resignation that has endured for so long in this country will continue without dramatic change. 

And the concern about November….besides a rigged system of gerrymandering that has persisted and expanded for decades disenfranchising voters, especially Black and Latinx voters, we are losing a battle against COVID-19, that has us sequestered to stay healthy.

Trump’s abdication of responsibility to keep Americans safe should have demanded calls for his resignation, but we have been too resigned to his crazy. His recklessness and laziness, not to mention an ability to govern or be a serious human, has actual repercussions. His demand to re-open schools without adequate policy proposals or funding so that they are safe is simply cruel. 

It’s hard to list the top most egregious displays of flagrant abuse, but I still can not wrap my head around the Russian bounty on American troops in Afghanistan. Trump claims to not have been briefed. Still, there has been no effort to do anything about the fact that Russia has put a bounty on American troops in Afghanistan. No calls for resignation. 

Vote him out? We started with Russian interference in our elections. Here we go again. Resignation? Voter suppression. Resignation? A PANDEMIC that makes going to the polls a personal and public potentially life-threatening situation. And he seeks to limit mail-in ballots. Vote him out?

We are the ones who have been resigned. We have been resigned to injustice for too long. We have been believing that institutions and norms are too entrenched and difficult to change, and yet Trump has easily trampled and dismantled. 

We have revered traditions, institutions, and norms, even ones that have outlived their use, and have become afraid of big changes. Yet here we sit at home, if we are able to and are considerate, forced to change our behavior. We can’t be resigned to not take responsibility now. (I know–doubly negative.) We can’t be resigned and await guidance, hope, support from this so-called POTUS. Our representatives should have called for his resignation, but we have all been too resigned. 

Absent calls for Trump’s resignation, we must confront our own. 

Thank You Notes

Thank you, President Trump, for your assuredness early on in the COVID19 pandemic, as it began in the USA. What a relief it was to know that you could declare that this was just like the flu. No big deal. 

Thank you, President Trump, for reminding us that, “One day, it’s like a miracle. It’s going to disappear.” We should all live so long.

Thank you, President Trump, for letting us know that, “Anyone who wants a test can get one.” Well, nobody really WANTS to get that COVID19 test, right?

Thank you, President Trump, for announcing that, “A vaccine will be available soon.” 18 months is not that long. I mean an 18 month old is still a baby.  

Thank you, President Trump, for asserting that the US was “the most prepared country in the world.” I’m sure we were; just not since 2016.

Thank you, President Trump, for suggesting that this novel Coronavirus was a Democrat hoax, distraction, attempt to undermine your presidency. Your instincts are truly consistent. We can count on you to remind us of other awfulness, at any moment for any reason.

Thank you, President Trump, for closely watching the stock market plummet while COVID19 cases and deaths continue to rise exponentially. Now we have a two-front war.

Thank you, President Trump, for calling yourself a “Wartime President”. I was thinking of some other names. 

Thank you, President Trump, for your daily briefings. They are anything but brief, and barely informative, since the next one introduces a different protocol than previously suggested. Your omnipresence is hard to miss. I feel like I have a front row seat at one of your rallies. 

Thank you, President Trump, for mentioning Governor Cuomo in New York, and Governor Newsom in California and that woman in Michigan. So many governors.

Thank you, President Trump, for acknowledging your status as #1 on Facebook. WOW! I can’t begin to imagine how many hits that means.

Thank you, President Trump, for exemplifying family values and showing confidence in your do-it-all-son-in-law, Jared Kushner. You understand better than anyone, that youth, unencumbered by mastery, experience, or any success, gives a pandemic a new look. His understanding of the separation of Federal and State stuff is really amazing. When he said, “…Our stockpile” is not for state use, he must have meant that the federal stockpile is intended to supplement the states’ needs. See, he gets it. We have so much yet to learn!

Thank you, President Trump, for insisting on “regular” voting—none of this mail in ballot stuff. Changing anything now would be so difficult. I know you want to see a Democratic Convention this summer.  I’m sure you would love to see people go to their regular polling places in November. Your commitment to keeping America great (again) is always on full display. 

Prepare For Good Luck

I always prepare for good luck. Now, we are all truly preparing for good luck. My fear, aside from loved ones becoming sick with COVID19, and an even more unmanageable situation in hospitals and throughout, is that we begin to fear one another even more than we did. I fear that the virus will be a brand, like HIV-AIDS was. Despite the more ubiquitousness of COVID19, people who are not (yet) sick, may have a false sense not only of security, but of ability.

I fear that people may begin to regard those who are sick and not in the most vulnerable demographics as being worthy of condemnation or suspicion, merely for becoming sick. I fear the original usage of social distancing. I fear our loss of compassion just as we were beginning to find some. 

There is much to fear at this moment, as so much is beyond our control. While attempting to stay informed, I confess that I protect my fragile psyche with not entertaining thoughts about the looming disaster while still doing whatever I can within reason to ensure comfort and endurance, at least for the next couple of weeks at a time. It’s all I can do. (That, and utter gratitude for all that I have.)

I have always felt incredibly lucky. That doesn’t mean that there has never been effort or challenge. Of course there has been plenty, like anyone else, and I know that pain and suffering—physical and mental–are debilitating. Too often I have been fearful, which is its own form of pain and suffering, and exacerbates all conditions. It distorts and diminishes possibility. It infects on top of infections. And when fear arises within me, I feel powerless.

I am not unafraid of the possibilities of bad luck in this time of COVID19, but I am not particularly afraid. That could change at any time, of course, but now I am mostly afraid of fear (thank you, FDR), and what suffering it causes. 

Much has already been acknowledged about how much has been laid bare as we are scrambling to prepare for good luck across the globe, but especially across the USA. The crisis will not be forever, but who knows how long temporary is? The dire prospects are most unsettling, even imagining the aftermath. As we have seen before, the possibility of compassion and responsibility redefining us as we meet this novel virus is upon us. There is also the possibility of being overwhelmed by fear and losing our greatest strength, our compassion.

We are social beings who can’t be social right now. Our social distancing is, ironically, a way to be social while attempting to mitigate exposure to the virus. As we are beginning to meet this challenge and be prepared, prepare to dig deep to mitigate fear. Be compassionate to yourself and others, and prepare for good luck. 

Our Lady

What a week! It is Good Friday today and Passover Eve tonight, following the release of the somewhat redacted Mueller Report, which followed the Barr Presser/Spinner. Earlier in the week we were aghast as we watched much of Notre Dame engulfed in flames. 

I know you are still digesting the Mueller Report, and perhaps anticipating family and religious celebrations this weekend, but think a bit about the extreme events and emotions of this week.

We shared sadness while watching Notre Dame burn, and relief over what didn’t burn. While much was discussed about the incredible history of the cathedral, and the brilliance of architecture and art that it represented as well as religion, the burning emblem of Western Civilization seemed metaphoric to me. 

What was painstakingly built from a breathtaking idea, with mastery, knowledge, beauty, reverence, guidance,  for the public for the ages, was burning down. To some, the story was the raging fire; to others it was about the remains and rebuilding. It was not only about Notre Dame. It was about our lady as well.

We have been losing our Democracy for some time. It has been in serious need of repair. Then, as though engulfed in an uncontrollable fire, we’ve been watching with horror as “norms” that have buttressed our Democracy have been burned down. In our case, it’s been arson.

Yes, we can save much,  and we can rebuild. And we shall. But the embers are still sizzling here, and some are even reigniting.  

We need more of the lady-ness, not the raging. More than a statue of liberty, we need our lady, our elegant Democracy, to be restored and renewed and built for a healthier future. Whatever your celebration, I hope you are inspired toward participation. And Vote! It’s the most Ladylike thing you can do. 


Omarosa! (To the tune of Oklahoma!)

Oooooooh….Omarosa, the apprentice winning

Trump’s own game.

She’s got a book to sell

Some tapes that tell

That a lying, racist White House

Is to blame.

Oooooooh….Omarosa wants to blow the whistle 

Starting now.

She was fine before

Going through the door

Of The Oval and The Sit Room

Who knows how?


We know that she’s mostly a sham.

And, like Trump, she’s a media ham.

But when we saaaaaaaaaa AY

Om-a-rosa’s news todaaaaaaaa AY

We really know that

It’s President Trump’s 



The Comb Over

In an attempt to disguise, strands are carefully swept across and over the other side.  The intention is to cover; conceal; shield. The part that divides one direction from the other gets lowered to convey a sense of fullness and depth. The look is achieved with gusts of hot air.

It’s quite a style that attracts attention, yet it seems glaring that something quite different exists underneath the Comb Over. The effort to maintain this deception of what’s actually there is extreme, and the coverup is usually worse than the crime. Well, maybe not in this case, despite the desperation of the Comb Over. 

The Comb Over, attempting to deflect from the bald truth, is a daily routine of bald-faced lies. The vanity and ignorance, much less the deflection of the naked truth, gets combed over and over and over calling more attention to what’s being camouflaged.

It’s become a very hairy situation. 

Litmus Test


 A guy shoots up a newsroom, killing 5 journalists. President says nothing in response to event or to reporters’ questions following the incident. That night, the video of  the President silently walking past reporters, ignoring their questions about the mass shooting at the Capital Gazette newsroom, was aired on tv and social media. A long day later, he stated that “journalists shouldn’t have to be fearful of being attacked while doing their jobs”. But  to Trump, journalists are “the enemy of the people”.  

So, another mass shooting that couldn’t be prevented, because how could we possibly stop the outlier? Each time? Beforehand?  We could arm teachers! Where are those good guys with guns? 

This is a reflection of our culture and politics. We live in danger of being shot anywhere because we won’t regulate lethal weaponry and have poor mental healthcare. Guns are considered masculine, even when women use them. They are the ultimate symbol of American individualism and self sufficiency. They are said to be for protection, but they are for killing (or injuring) full human  (and other) beings. They are meant to cause suffering and fear.

Even those who want to see loopholes closed, better screening , and better mental healthcare across the country, understand that there is a cultural affinity for guns, legitimized by the Second Amendment. 

Why, then, has abortion become the litmus test of our culture and politics? Why has Roe v Wade, which legalized abortion, always seemed dispensable ? The “Right to Life” is only valid as a potential life, but not once born—an actual life? Many like to mock the Clintons’ stance that abortions should be “safe, legal, and rare”, because, well, Hilary said that. The circumstance of pregnancy is unique. But it does include women’s health, and I do think abortions should be safe, legal, and rare.

 Abortion is not some newfangled cultural phenomena that began with The Feminine Mystique. Abortions have always existed, and have been dangerous (and criminal) until I was 10. But the cultural zeal and singular voting issue that has overridden everything in my lifetime has been the issue of abortion. 

Physicians have been shot (and killed) over the idea of getting rid of Roe v Wade, thereby criminalizing abortions (and OBGYNs who might perform the procedure). Right to life?

The President of Trumpistan understands that putting an anti-abortion judge on The Supreme Court will keep his base applauding, and his congressional lackeys collecting contributions. The ridiculous argument that gets put forward that it should be a states’ rights issue, not a federal one, sticks because it is an effective political move to limit access in Red states. Culturally and politically, the so-called “Right to Lifers” have all but eradicated the legality of early termination of a pregnancy, while opening up the floodgates for more semiautomatic weaponry without restrictions on use. 

Sure, there are several issues that delineate the views of the Supreme Court, but none are as contentious as Roe v Wade. Not even guns. We have deluded ourselves across our culture and politics into accepting certain rights as necessary for freedom and, ironically, life, and others as oppressive. Moreover, we have been so divided and hateful over this issue. We have so little room for accepting differing concepts, or compromising. 

Abortion is the issue that most are concerned about now that Kennedy is stepping down from the high court. Shouldn’t we be talking more about the mass murder at a newsroom? 

Hurry Up, Bob Mueller!!

Some have selective memories of strength and perfection, only remembering ease or access. 

Some envision perfection as not what exists, but as a part of existence; ignoring and excluding difference, challenges or consequences, or even anything not yet considered.

Some only think in terms of prizes for themselves or their own; not shared success.

Some say “we” but mean it in a singular way—plural “me”.  

But we are unraveling. Everywhere. Everyone.

(Except we haven’t unraveled our gerrymandered districts or gross amounts of money infused into never-ending campaigns. Citizens United is a SCOTUS scourge.)

“We” can’t live with the other agenda. 

And so “we” denounce, seethe, complain, protest, oppose, fulminate, rage.

Manipulation is the skill that defines success.  Merit seems no longer necessary.

This slog is too long and dangerous, but I still have faith in merit and decency, and challenge those who lack. 

Meanwhile, the collateral damage that has Trumped our country, especially the last few years, is becoming too formidable.

Hurry Up, Bob Mueller!!