Ray Rice

Limbo

How low can we go?

You remember the game/dance contest Limbo, don’t you? Two people hold a bar, or something that can be used as a bar, like a broomstick, and create a threshold which players must clear from beneath. Usually with a calypso beat, contestants jiggle under the bar while bending backward, limbs akimbo, trying not to touch the bar. After each round, the bar gets lowered. Of course, while the object is to clear the bar from below, one must also not lose one’s balance. If either the bar falls or the player falls, the player is out.

The idea of being suspended–or that one’s status is suspended —is an uncomfortable one for most people. Americans seem to need certainty and status and quick resolution. It seems like we are more comfortable lowering the bar as if we are playing Limbo, than we are at being in limbo.

Many have wondered if there is actually more upheaval now than there had been in previous decades. Have we just lowered the bar, and now share more of the hideous sides of humanity and nature? Are we descending lower and lower, or do we just get exposed to more human and natural violence?

We have bemoaned the state of obnoxious and toxic behavior across the media as well as the paralyzing fear that accompanies us when exposed to threats and acts of terrorism. We have shared our outrage over Ray Rice and those just like him, as well as those who turn a blind eye, especially the NFL. Yet, it is hard not to feel like we are trying to see how low we can go.

Well, the bar is very low now. Next in line after Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, of the Minnesota Vikings, was indicted on a felony charge of beating his 4 year old son. Apparently, he beat the tot with a TREE BRANCH, which lead to severe welts and bleeding all over his body that the pediatrician felt must be reported. A contrite Peterson said that he never intended to cause harm. After all, he was merely “disciplining” his son. He maintained that he would never abuse his son. Peterson was suspended for a game. Within days, he was reinstated.

Now I’m not sure which part of this is the most disturbing. For now, let’s just consider that Peterson’s understanding of the words “abuse” and “discipline” are cause for extreme concern. I actually believe that he believes that he is not an abuser. That is absolutely terrifying. He was clear that he was “disciplining” his son in the way that he was “disciplined”. I guess he figured it’s only abuse if he was out of control?

What constitutes abuse is in fact confusing for many. Consider Janay Palmer, Ray Rice’s wife, and so many like her, who live with abusers.  We seem to be in limbo about how to deal with abuse. The NFL doesn’t see abuse and doesn’t understand discipline.

How low can some go? Yesterday, Urban Outfitters apologized for selling a red-splattered Kent State sweatshirt. They pulled the bloody-looking ‘vintage’ Kent State sweatshirt from the shelves after being told it was offensive. This, on the heels of Zara’s pulling the striped jersey with the yellow 6 pointed star in the corner. They didn’t realize it was offensive as it resembled Holocaust prison uniforms. Like hideous behavior that resurfaces from time to time, these retail offenses were not firsts. Two years ago, Adidas created a line of sneakers with shackles. Who knows how low some can go?

And while I hesitate to give any attention to attention getters, when behavior is so hideous that others may follow, I believe attention must be paid. Yesterday, Rush Limbaugh, who loves inciting, was commenting on sexual consent and said, “No means yes if you know how to spot it.”

The abusers who don’t even know they are abusing should not be rewarded financially until they are able to discern the impact of their actions, products and words and change their behavior. And those who are willing to do or say anything for commercial gain? Let them fall.

It often feels like we’d rather dance under the bar than remain in a state of uncertainty. I am certain, though, that the bar can be raised, and that the contortions that some make in order to justify their disregard for others, will leave them out of the game when we stop supporting their dancing around decency.

The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones

Mid century, a half a century ago, two animated sitcoms became favorites for their takes on middle class life that at once seemed familiar and other-worldly. Fifty years before Modern Family, we were introduced to the modern stone age family,The Flintstones. A riff on The Honeymooners, The Flintstones used the comedic situations that were standard fare by the early 1960s, with the cute gimmick of prehistoric technologies–or modern situations demanding stone age materials and power (human and animal, including dinosaurs). The situations, aesthetics, cultural activities and references were all early sixties, including split-level caves with pelican washing machines. And who could forget Ann-Margrock serenading little Pebbles? The juxtaposition of modern with stone age was more modern than stone age, but the cultural signifiers were all suggested through stone age names and technology. The Flintstones was analog in every sense.

The Jetsons brought us from the stone age to the next space age. Cleverly combining the early sixties sensibility and success of The Flintstones with all things space related during the height of the space race, The Jetsons used the winning formula of The Flintstones and converted it to some future time when “typical” middle class families would be living in outer space. Of course, one would expect lots of gadgets and gizmos in the space age, and the idea of everything automated and robotic (including the housekeeper, Rosie) was in keeping with the images we as a culture expect(ed) of the future. Like The Flintstones, The Jetsons reminded us that although situations may include different technologies, the demands of life remain unchanged. Also, relationships are most important for happiness.

On both animated shows, the wives do not engage in professional work. They are mostly responsible for taking care of the home and the children, and being available to their husbands. The husbands must endure traffic and cranky bosses at soul sapping jobs, but are able to live decent lives and enjoy the company of their families and friends, even if they are negotiating inconveniences despite all the conveniences their applianced lives provide. Whether in the stone age or the space age, we see a mid-century middle class American family living comfortably on the husband/father’s salary, coping with everyday events that are undramatic, and require moderation,cooperation and fixing stuff. It’s all do-able. It’s the American Dream that we’d like to think exists in any age.

Now, 50 years after those cartoons ran in prime-time, I am struck by what it means to live in America in 2014. The recent release of the video of Ray Rice beating up his then-fiancee Janay Palmer in an elevator, and then dragging her limp and unconscious body out of the elevator, dumping her in front, and kicking her to clear the elevator doors, is more stone age than Fred Flintstone could ever have been. I do not judge the tragic Janay Palmer who went on to marry the brute, because although it is confusing, it is mostly heart-rending to me that she must feel as though she can’t leave him. It is beyond tragic. Wilma would never have stayed, and she had fewer options as a woman.

The public outcry when the video was publicly released was heartening in some ways. The NFL seemed out of sync with 2014. Sanity still exists outside the NFL. But, so do abusers and those who feel they can not leave. This is unconscionable in 2014.

If stone age behavior headlined the news again a few days ago, Jetson-esque news reigned supreme yesterday, with the rollout of the i-Phone 6 and the Apple Watch. Like the baby wooly mammoth vacuum cleaner and other animal powered appliances and machines on The Flintstones, or the myriad of push button devices, including Rosie, on The Jetsons, we love technology and the idea that our lives will be transformed by them. Technology does transform much of our lives and capabilities, and yet, with all the time and labor saving devices, we still get so stuck and feel so uncomfortable.

Despite all the social, cultural and technological advances we have made, we still seem to struggle so very much. Tonight, President Obama will address the nation (and the world) on how we will deal with ISIS. The Jetsons will meet The Flintstones.