I hate homework. I am an educator who knows the value of reinforcing skills and reading, but I am confounded by the generation that thinks that having parents do homework with kids is a good thing. As a parent, I confess to always hating homework time, and was relieved when my kids were finally expected to do their own thing(which they always did anyway)–probably high school. The expectation in Middle School that parents should assist their kids on projects and regular assignments is not only baffling to me, but a practice with which I strongly disagree. Should parents have a sense of what their children are learning and how they are doing? Absolutely. Should parents be working with their kids because the schools expect it? NO!
As parents and educators, we need to be raising children to become adults who can think for themselves, express themselves, realize their own potential (and limits), and adjust accordingly. With the best of intentions, we have added projects and busyness to everything in our lives, and expected that parents should be ever present in their children’s lives. Perhaps this has been an overreaction to previous generations and the baby boom’s experience of the generation gap, as well as the fear of the absent parent or raising deprived children. Having parents involved in their kids’ school life does not need to take the form of taking on their children’s lives. Parents can complement their children’s education with community cultural experiences, broadening their children’s school experiences while letting their children fully experience their own schooling.
The tween tribe exasperates parents and teachers, and while adult authority is still necessary, the generation gap is part and parcel of development.Tweens and their elder teens need tremendous guidance, but also a bit of space for healthy exploration. The trick is figuring out what healthy exploration is. Parents see disaster at every turn and have tried to create safety and optimal conditions for their children’s success. But maybe this time of upheaval, which is generally difficult to navigate on a good day, can be embraced in small ways. How can we influence our adolescents in a positive way, while giving them freedom to do the dumb things that they do?
We can stay out of their way in small ways (like not participating in projects other than life histories) and not doing their work, and allowing them to struggle with their work. They will probably reject our music, and aesthetics, and seem utterly materialistic or ascetic and make themselves appear in ways that may make us cringe, but when we encourage them to choose their own reading and arts and sports and outdoor activities as well as their choices for the screen and mall, we are participating in their education and growth in more important ways than sharing their work.
Kids (and adults) need freedom from work in order to generate better thinking and productivity. Kids need guidance and freedom from adults, but guidance does not mean doing everything with them (and certainly not for them). As much as parents want to provide everything possible for their children, providing them with other mentors and teachers in their communities is a gift. If parents are involved in their children’s schools, they should consider connecting schools to the larger community–exposing students to life outside of what seems like a mandated life that gets assessed with tests and rubrics. But that outside world has to become integrated into school life.
Teachers and administrators can bridge the school with the outside community. When artists in residence come to schools, or even assemblies with performances, kids may think they are just getting out of class, but often they are inspired as well as entertained. The arts often attract those who are critical thinkers and masters of technique and expression, features that attract our yearning for creativity and newness, whether or not we have talent. This yearning is particularly prevalent and undeveloped among adolescents. They need Cultural heroes to inspire them and encourage them to create and participate in positive ways.
We have a lot of homework to do, but it isn’t our kids’ assignments. Our homework is to connect schools to greater communities during school hours; to encourage our kids to engage in the arts and cultural community at large. For too long, schools have been cut off from the “real” world. We can begin to change the culture of schools by connecting schools to the larger culture. There are so many education and outreach programs in cities and towns, from cultural centers to business and science and technology centers, that are still largely separated from schooling. Let’s do a little bit of extra-credit homework: Let’s insist that schools incorporate more cultural programming and residencies and let our kids experience a bit more of what matters.