United States

Hearing Impaired

We watched the Kavanaugh Hearing and listened. What did you hear? I felt sick watching and listening to Dr. Blasey Ford’s testimony. She has been carrying this awful trauma for most of her life. Her bravery and authenticity were matched by her humble dignity and kindness. She was guileless. She may not have been aware of her impact. One need not have endured an assault like the one she did to have one’s heart open and also harden. Why do humans have to endure torture?

There is a particular heinousness to sexual assault, but any assault to anyone is horrific. Dr. Blasey Ford’s trembling, gentle voice resonated both excruciating pain and kindness.  Her education and professionalism were evidenced by her elucidating scientific explanation of how trauma and memory work and manifest, not by mentioning her resume. We heard her, and felt anguish.

Judge Kavanaugh bellowed and protested throughout his hearing. One can certainly feel compassion for a man who has prepared for years for the Supreme job, (or any job), and for having his name smeared in the media without evidence. He has a family too. He was irate and rude, and even in his contempt for the other party and whatever conspiracy he thinks is out to get him and cause pain to his family, I never heard him mention the pain caused to Dr. Blasey Ford’s family.

I heard a lot of yelling and overt disrespect to the senators whose job was to interview him. I heard talking points and bullying. I heard a familiar script. I heard anger and stoking distrust and fear. I listened for that which would make this nominee worthy of being a Supreme Court Justice. How could someone who throws a tantrum throughout the Hearing be able to listen with an open mind to Supreme cases? How could someone who begins by declaring a left wing conspiracy and a Democrat smear campaign, yelling with venom, be impartial?

Then there was the bizarre situation of the calm prosecutor hired by the Republican senators on the committee to question Dr. Blasey Ford, while Lindsey Graham let loose during the Kavanaugh half. It was mind boggling, and embarrassing for us as a country.

The Senate confirmation hearings have been akin to Kabuki Theater for decades, but this was beyond excruciating for Americans . We heard testimony and felt pain and outrage at what people (especially women) must endure, mostly in silence. When the silence is broken, the real victim is further victimized. The powerful male claiming to be a victim is quite a spectacle. The goal isn’t to tear down powerful (white) men. The goal is authenticity and accountability.  We heard personal pain and outrage by the witnesses, but watched a very impaired hearing. 

I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this reckoning with so much that is wrong with us, and how much unnecessary pain is inflicted. This week has been particularly difficult to be an American. It has been difficult to be a woman. I have such pain that isn’t my own story. I ache for all of us. The bully playbook is so obvious and works temporarily. It’s also obvious who listens and who can’t even hear. 

We deserve much better than the tone deaf politics and noise that have impaired all of us. 

Omarosa! (To the tune of Oklahoma!)

Oooooooh….Omarosa, the apprentice winning

Trump’s own game.

She’s got a book to sell

Some tapes that tell

That a lying, racist White House

Is to blame.

Oooooooh….Omarosa wants to blow the whistle 

Starting now.

She was fine before

Going through the door

Of The Oval and The Sit Room

Who knows how?

(interlude)

We know that she’s mostly a sham.

And, like Trump, she’s a media ham.

But when we saaaaaaaaaa AY

Om-a-rosa’s news todaaaaaaaa AY

We really know that

It’s President Trump’s 

Omarosa.

Protege.

The Comb Over

In an attempt to disguise, strands are carefully swept across and over the other side.  The intention is to cover; conceal; shield. The part that divides one direction from the other gets lowered to convey a sense of fullness and depth. The look is achieved with gusts of hot air.

It’s quite a style that attracts attention, yet it seems glaring that something quite different exists underneath the Comb Over. The effort to maintain this deception of what’s actually there is extreme, and the coverup is usually worse than the crime. Well, maybe not in this case, despite the desperation of the Comb Over. 

The Comb Over, attempting to deflect from the bald truth, is a daily routine of bald-faced lies. The vanity and ignorance, much less the deflection of the naked truth, gets combed over and over and over calling more attention to what’s being camouflaged.

It’s become a very hairy situation. 

Litmus Test

 

 A guy shoots up a newsroom, killing 5 journalists. President says nothing in response to event or to reporters’ questions following the incident. That night, the video of  the President silently walking past reporters, ignoring their questions about the mass shooting at the Capital Gazette newsroom, was aired on tv and social media. A long day later, he stated that “journalists shouldn’t have to be fearful of being attacked while doing their jobs”. But  to Trump, journalists are “the enemy of the people”.  

So, another mass shooting that couldn’t be prevented, because how could we possibly stop the outlier? Each time? Beforehand?  We could arm teachers! Where are those good guys with guns? 

This is a reflection of our culture and politics. We live in danger of being shot anywhere because we won’t regulate lethal weaponry and have poor mental healthcare. Guns are considered masculine, even when women use them. They are the ultimate symbol of American individualism and self sufficiency. They are said to be for protection, but they are for killing (or injuring) full human  (and other) beings. They are meant to cause suffering and fear.

Even those who want to see loopholes closed, better screening , and better mental healthcare across the country, understand that there is a cultural affinity for guns, legitimized by the Second Amendment. 

Why, then, has abortion become the litmus test of our culture and politics? Why has Roe v Wade, which legalized abortion, always seemed dispensable ? The “Right to Life” is only valid as a potential life, but not once born—an actual life? Many like to mock the Clintons’ stance that abortions should be “safe, legal, and rare”, because, well, Hilary said that. The circumstance of pregnancy is unique. But it does include women’s health, and I do think abortions should be safe, legal, and rare.

 Abortion is not some newfangled cultural phenomena that began with The Feminine Mystique. Abortions have always existed, and have been dangerous (and criminal) until I was 10. But the cultural zeal and singular voting issue that has overridden everything in my lifetime has been the issue of abortion. 

Physicians have been shot (and killed) over the idea of getting rid of Roe v Wade, thereby criminalizing abortions (and OBGYNs who might perform the procedure). Right to life?

The President of Trumpistan understands that putting an anti-abortion judge on The Supreme Court will keep his base applauding, and his congressional lackeys collecting contributions. The ridiculous argument that gets put forward that it should be a states’ rights issue, not a federal one, sticks because it is an effective political move to limit access in Red states. Culturally and politically, the so-called “Right to Lifers” have all but eradicated the legality of early termination of a pregnancy, while opening up the floodgates for more semiautomatic weaponry without restrictions on use. 

Sure, there are several issues that delineate the views of the Supreme Court, but none are as contentious as Roe v Wade. Not even guns. We have deluded ourselves across our culture and politics into accepting certain rights as necessary for freedom and, ironically, life, and others as oppressive. Moreover, we have been so divided and hateful over this issue. We have so little room for accepting differing concepts, or compromising. 

Abortion is the issue that most are concerned about now that Kennedy is stepping down from the high court. Shouldn’t we be talking more about the mass murder at a newsroom? 

Dismissal

Hasn’t it all been said already? The Valentine’s Day massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida yesterday killing 17, shot another round through the heart of America.

While I was getting ready for my Valentine’s Day dinner, a celebration of love and romance, the news was on with interviews with a teacher, students, the superintendent, doctors, and police. I had to leave the room. I had heard the initial reports and interviews a bit earlier, and the rehashing and inevitable platitudes and explanations were nauseating.

I heard the police chief urge, “If you see something, say something.” The heat of anger began to pulse through my arteries. If only people had said something? That was it?

I thought about the timing of this unspeakable act of terror in a school not far from where I lived until a couple months ago. The shooting rampage began near the end of the school day. I thought about the shooter’s’ plan: As kids would be getting ready for dismissal, on an especially social day, Valentine’s Day, the shooter could exact revenge for his own misery.

We have a gun problem in America. But that gets dismissed. We have a violence problem in America. But that gets dismissed. We have a mental health problem in America. But that gets dismissed. We have an education problem in America. But that gets dismissed. We have an economic disparity problem in America. But that gets dismissed. We have a Culture problem in America. But that gets dismissed. And we have a grave political problem in America that too many try to dismiss.

If your heart is heavy, as is mine, don’t dismiss the love you feel. Don’t dismiss the possibility you can envision. And don’t dismiss the reality of misery, violence, access to weapons, political cowardice, and the consequences—intended or otherwise—of dismissal.

Time Signature

I have been turning away from all the retrospectives of the last year. Not only do they tend to be highlights of awfulness and idiocy, but they don’t even feel like the past. It seems like an exercise in torture rather than in reflection. There hasn’t been space (or time) for reflection. Rehashing isn’t reflecting. It’s anxiety producing rather than enlightening.

2017 doesn’t seem like an unfolding of moments, but an unending cacophony that is unrelenting and without a coda, despite today’s date. But we still mark time, and move to its rhythms, and this weekend we get to celebrate the potential of the new.

Trump thinks he’s jazzy—always riffing and soloing, adding syncopated rhythms because they are unexpected and chaotic. He digs improvising governing. He just never learned the essentials, or the masters, or understands the distinctions that separate art from mere expression.

He has put his signature on this time of ours, at least in 2017 (and 2016). But there were other instruments that resonated during the year. 2017 started with The Women’s March, and by the latter months, the enormous chorus of #MeToo became a show stopper.

The Taking a Knee verse will be remixed in 2018, most likely beginning with the Super Bowl. The anthem of freedom has been reconsidered, and despite differing interpretations, real freedom does not diminish.

The Trumpist movement will be last year’s hit. Trump will keep rapping, but lacking artistry, he will be a pop phenomenon (which is all he wanted). Investigations and scandals, and ridiculous comments, will be the drumbeat until the coda. Meanwhile, we who have been Kind of Blue, can conduct ourselves in concert in 2018.

Happy New Year!

XYs: Ex-Wise

We are now in a moment of creating exes. Ex-media guys; ex-congressmen; ex- Hollywood guys; and soon to be many more exes across domains.

Why? (or Y you ask?)

The X factor has wizened up and spoken up! What should be apolitical—appropriate behavior and not making others uncomfortable (i.e. basic decency)—has become political as well as cultural. The tectonic shift that we feel is cultural. The fight (and the hanging on) feels political.

I think many men are confused and are asserting misunderstanding. The old “game” is played by different rules depending on the player. And many women (and girls and boys) were never playing the same game. They were parallel playing—smiling back and/or staying quiet not enjoying what was happening, just to get through it.

Many men are now astonished that there has always been so much sexual misconduct. There has always been sexual harassment (which became codified in the workplace in the 1980s), sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rape, which most people understand as aggressive behaviors and criminal. But a kiss? A pat on the tush? An “accidental” touch? A little flirtation?

Many (men) are actually confused. Well, a lot of women are not confused. Remember when the term “date rape” was coined? The definition of rape was not really changed; it was no longer contextualized to be limited to some sick/violent stranger. Women (and girls and boys) who had had sex forced upon them were finally being acknowledged as being victims of rape. And then we learned that such behavior was actually rather common. Such knowledge actually enabled us to be wiser.

Perhaps some of the confusion exists because men are thinking that sexual attention is always wanted. Well it isn’t. Not that kiss. Nor that pat on the tush. Nor that accidental brush up. And certainly not that exposure!

It is important to distinguish among the types of behaviors that fall under the sexual misconduct rubric, and it is important to delve seriously into serious accusations. False accusations have always occurred and will always occur . Bad behavior will always exist. But we are wiser and no longer tolerate what for many was barely tolerable.

So as the culture shifts toward a less limited understanding of sexual misconduct, and we wise up by standing up for decency, the politics will follow. I know it doesn’t feel like that at this moment that our culture is in flux, but all great social/civil rights movements began with cultural shifts that brought wisdom and political change. (Besides, power issues are often played out through sexual behavior.)

As for defending politicians who might have been icky rather than outrageously gross but “champions” of women’s rights or civil rights……I think it is wise to make them exes. It feels politically risky, but we see the costs of rationalizing indecent, irrational, insecure, stupid,  behavior. It has real political costs, and they are HUUUUUGE.

 

American Fall 2017

The last few weeks we’ve seen men falling from grace. Well, we’ve seen powerful (and unknowingly powerful) men who have abused, fallen from their positions. Whether abusing powerful connections to self aggrandize, or using status to euphemistically self aggrandize while forcing a woman or minor female or male to watch and/or participate in unwanted sexual acts, there has been an almost daily revelation of jerks who shouldn’t get off.

Yep…the 2017 Jerk Off. Sorry for being crass, but is there really a more perfect description?

Let’s go back a few weeks to the #MeToo moment. Women (and almost women) didn’t pile on to a hashtag for fun. It was an admission I never imagined, although it was an assumption as long as I can remember. Being harassed in a sexual way, even just by someone leering, has always been part of the female experience. Abuse is almost as common. Sexual misconduct is practically a catch-all phrase, but women (and girls and boys) know appropriate and inappropriate behavior. I thought men knew appropriate and inappropriate behavior too, but more and more it seems as though too many either don’t know or don’t care. Jerk Offs.

The #MeToo moment was empowering for women (and males who may have been abused as kids), but was astonishing for many men. The assumption seemed to be that there have always been a few bad apples, and power corrupts, but most of us live decently. HA! I suspect most women would reject that, at least in part. Most women learned very early on that they could very easily be preyed upon and have felt diminished by men.

But the American Fall of 2017 isn’t about victimhood, it’s about the Jerk Offs. It’s about exposing the Jerks, many of whom were once widely revered. Mostly, it’s about exposing those who have gotten away with abuse.

 

The American Fall of 2017 Jerk Off isn’t only about exposing sexual abuse. The Trump administration has been a textbook case in how to be a jerk. Inappropriate behavior has been the MO. For those of Trump’s ilk, disruption is all about being inappropriate. It’s about being unconventional and not having to play by the rules (or barely playing within the rules). Not unlike comedy, which exposes conventions and sometimes seeks to upend them, gaining attention and audience, Trump enjoys the shtick and the platform to bark and get responses. He thinks he’s funny—a bit of a comedian—and seeks power, wealth, and adoration. Oh, and he’s a misogynist and objectifies women, and even if he has been inside the law, cares little for appropriate behavior or decency. He’s the Jerk in Chief.

 

Then there’s the man child of Silicon Valley, Mark Zuckerberg, with Sheryl Sandberg leaning in by his side, claiming innocence and seeking to be absolved of any responsibility for whatever gets posted on their Facebook platform. They deny that their ginormous social media company and platform is media. I guess it’s just social. Jerks!

 

But amidst the American Fall of 2017 Jerk Offs, there has been the most horrifying abuse that actually gets diminishing attention each week, with each incident. Mass shootings tend to fall into a different category. They are perpetrated by nobody famous (until the shooting of innocents), so they don’t seem to be about abuse of power. But there is a common denominator to many of these mass shootings, thus far all committed by men.***(https://www.massshootingtracker.org/data) Domestic abuse preceeded the mass shooting. We know that not all shootings follow a domestic incident, but even without an incident preceding the shooting, the shooter is often one who could not or did not have appropriate romantic or sexual relationships. This is not to say that the act of a mass shooter is reduced to a domestic incident. It is surely more complicated than that. But the fact that so many of those who commit mass shootings have domestic issues (and easy access to an arsenal of semi automatic and other guns) is one that deserves much more attention.

 

Abuse exists in many forms and does not manifest in a singular manner. Sure, power corrupts. That we know and have always known. That is why we need limits and checks and balances on power in every domain.

Lack of power can inspire shameful behavior; irrational behavior; or worse. Power issues and weapons (of every sort) are toxic. We have a responsibility to address the weapons of mass destruction of our society and culture, as well as the issues of power that have people become abusers.

 

The American Fall of 2017, the season of the Jerk Offs, has been a season of exposing the abuse and the abusers, as well as their weapons of destruction. This is an opportunity. I, for one, am amazed and inspired by those who have called out the Jerk Offs. And this is the beginning.

T-Rex

 

“…they cling to guns or religion…”

 

“…basket of deplorables…”

 

“…moron.”

 

It’s easy to identify the speakers of the volcanic verbiage that erupted after terrible frustration, expressing antipathy and disdain. It’s really not ok to publicly disparage (or get caught deriding others, or one’s boss).

We’ve all had oops moments, but we aren’t Presidential candidates or Secretaries of State. Still, everyone is subject to one’s own reptilian brain.

The reptilian brain is the part of the brain that controls involuntary functions. It’s in charge of our survival. It directs our heartbeat, organ function,and breathing. It is responsible for sexual behaviors and our fight or flight responses. Our responses to danger or fear stem from our reptilian brain. Our anger or other emotions and actions that take over in response to a perceived threat are automatic. We don’t even think about it. The reptilian brain runs the non-thinking, automatic, involuntary functions for survival.

But clearly the reptilian brain is insufficient beyond survival instincts. Thinking and thoughtfulness advances us. The reptilian brain governs without thought. Of course, if we were having to think about each heartbeat and physiological response, we wouldn’t be able to consider anything else. And, sexual behavior and responses to danger are necessary in some measure to ensure the continuation of life.

It’s hard not to feel like we are in the Land of the Lost. “Land of the Lost” was a tv series in the mid 1970s about a family thrown back in time as they attempt to survive among the dinosaurs. In our own Land of the Lost, we see governance by fear. We feel terrified of our government, our neighbors, our technology, and all others—those who don’t fit into our images of what is right or good. Of course there are more good among us than those who get attention, but I know there are many people who feel as I do: that we are lost, and if not becoming dinosaurs ourselves, we are certainly living among them, and our reptilian brains are taking over.

That sounds rather alarmist, doesn’t it? Perhaps I am being too dramatic, but aside from my exhaustion and grief from constant verbal warfare, and intense hurricanes, and unspeakable violence and hatred, even against quiet protest, I am astounded daily by the lumbering leaders, proving themselves to be like dinosaurs— especially the lumbering leader in chief.

Somehow, this POTUS whose reptilian brain informs almost every response, seems to get away with reprehensible speech and behavior, and at the very least, incompetence. I was utterly astonished yesterday that the one known for “you’re fired”, didn’t fire Rex Tillerson, Secretary of State, after Tillerson evaded (but did not deny) the report that he called his boss a “moron”. Perhaps the POTUS isn’t phased by such a reptilian faux pas. I mean we all slip, right? And who speaks and acts from the gut without thinking more than the POTUS?

Even more astonishing to me though, was Rex Tillerson’s obsequiousness during his press briefing. Couldn’t he survive without this position? His instinct is to work for a man he thinks is a moron? T-Rex went from seeming strength to a big old lumbering….what’s the word?…..dinosaur.

And you know what happened to the dinosaurs. They became extinct when the climate changed.

Reality Winner

Drip drip drip..… Leaking sludge..… Quietly exposing naked truth….. Releasing the fluid nature of hidden conflicts, shady relationships, questionable connections, while trustworthy historical international alliances, treaties, and accords are disparaged.

Trickle down economics doesn’t work, but trickling droplets of actual occurrences, conversations, meetings, statements, and other pesky facts, are puddling and flooding airwaves, bandwidth, eyes and ears.

Each daily shocking revelation is really no surprise; just a bit more proof of what so many suspect and are eager to lay bare. What seems so obvious must still be uncloaked, and we have procedures and laws which must be followed.

It has become difficult to sustain patience in the era of the tweet; just ask POTUS Trump. But reality will trump Trump.

Reality Winner, the prescient name of the first leaker of the Trump presidency to be arrested, exposed a top-secret intelligence report detailing Russian meddling in the American election from within a national security complex and sent it to The Intercept. But consider that this 25 year old woman is but one of over a million people with top secret clearance who have access to government secrets due to the post 9/11 expansion of security agencies.

Reality Winner is facing a difficult road ahead after her arrest. Yet, Reality Winner may just be the meta name of this era—not Trump.