United States

It Is What It Isn’t

It isn’t bigotry; it’s freedom of religion. It isn’t mass murder; it’s Depression. It isn’t diplomacy; it’s appeasement.

It isn’t rape; it’s drunken sex. It isn’t obstruction; it’s Democracy. It isn’t murder; it’s self defense. It isn’t spying; it’s security. It isn’t union busting; it’s the right to work. It isn’t about public health; it’s about private choice.

It seems like we actually spend our lives on what something or someone isn’t. We have a tradition of distinguishing ourselves from others by emphasizing other-ness. Even with our history of civil rights and feminism, expanding rights for all sorts of people once excluded, the current zeitgeist is not one of inclusion and expansion. Critical thinking has largely been distorted into oppositional thinking.

Say it isn’t so!

We’ve shifted from what it is to what it isn’t, as we’ve been bombarded with challenges to our assumptions:

It’s a slam-dunk! (for which we are paying unimagined consequences in the Middle East).

It’s a no brainer!

It’s a sure thing!

It’s a 10!

It’s a boy!

It’s complicated.

The truth is, it is complicated. There are different views and facets and understandings and expressions of much of life. Concepts of gender, of life, of liberty, of religion, and so many constructs that were historically entrenched….are still evolving. It doesn’t feel like evolution when we seem so mired, and it is easy to feel despair.

It is what it is. The sigh of stalemate. We don’t hear “c’est la vie”  any more. We say “it is what it is”, like pop zen masters (or Winnie the Pooh). When we don’t know what else we can do, we can acknowledge that it is what it is. Move on.

We don’t seem to be moving on by what it isn’t. It isn’t right. It isn’t safe. It isn’t about you (or me). It isn’t working.

So many articles are written to sound as though previously held notions were naive, or misguided, or wrong. It’s as though some people think they sound smarter by debunking anything we’ve known prior to now. It seems as though everything you thought was true isn’t. It is what it isn’t. Aside from being able to eat butter and drink coffee now, this new moment of deconstruction requires critical thinking, not just being critical.  Some previously held ideas and constructs that seemed to be true and even natural deserve to be queried. But, not everything must be turned inside out or dismantled.  In fact, there seems to be a dearth of common sense and wisdom, much less decent behavior. And there is certainly a lack of common good.

So how do we move beyond it is what it isn’t? Acknowledge that it is what it is, but doesn’t always have to be this way or simply the mirror opposite (that way). Movement happens between (and/or beyond) those points–where there is space to move. We know there is a better way, isn’t there?

Fine Lines, Wrinkles and Age Spots

The wrinkles in Brian Williams’ story (stories?) have caused his six month suspension, and plenty of outrage on social media. Some on the left have said that his embellishments are less serious than the embellishments and lies that are regularly put forth by politicians and other news outlets.(I say, that’s no excuse.)  Of course, the story points to the iconic role of the American news anchor(man) on network broadcast news–a model that has weathered feminism (sort of), but not the information age.

Perhaps it’s a fine line between an embellishment and a lie, but it seems clear now, that if Williams was not even in the same helicopter that was under fire, his story constitutes a lie. The wrinkle for Williams is that his job is based on trust. The public depends on accurate reporting and truth. Mistakes happen, but knowingly reporting falsehoods is not a mistake. It’s just wrong.

The anchor is the person or thing that provides stability and confidence, particularly during uncertain situations. Jon Stewart, anchor of The Daily Show, has always maintained that he is a comedian/satirist (and has since added writer/director to his resume), but over the last 17 years, has become a real anchor. His faux news show has been more truthful, and taken more seriously, than many non-comedic news programs. His recent announcement that he will leave The Daily Show will undoubtedly be a wrinkle for Comedy Central, but the program, or whatever will replace it, will probably have an audience. He built trust and kept us informed and giggling through extremely uncertain, and often painful, times.

What is most revealing in these two stories that played out this week, practically back to back, is our profound need for an anchor. We may not necessarily need the 6:30 or 7:00 Nightly News, as our lives have changed so dramatically from the days when that was the news time. There have been many wrinkles for broadcast news that have rendered the past and current broadcasts beneath their tasks. The fine lines between news and entertainment continue to be injected with fillers. The comedians do a much finer job of treating wrinkles in the news stories. They may be entertaining first, but the intelligence and integrity are apparent, and engage us completely. It’s what the news programs used to do–anchor us.

Spotting the need for an anchor is one that we might not have thought about in previous  generations. Each age of television has had its anchors and standard bearers in news and entertainment. The broadcast news and late night talk shows have endured with their basic formatting for a few generations now. The Daily Show combined those formats and blended the faux news show with a talk show type interview (think Jack Parr) that has been must see tv or wherever for young and young at heart for about a generation and a half in tv years. It remains to be seen if the Daily Show will continue beyond Stewart, but his leaving has left so very many feeling adrift.

The age of The Daily Show has been one fraught with formerly unimaginable craziness and extreme everything–political,environmental, social, religious climate change. This, of course, has intersected with the internet age and the miracles of googling, wikipedia, youtube–all standard and in the palm of one’s hand–rendering network television news quaint, at best. At worst, well…..that’s what we have now.

What I noticed with the surprise and sadness this week, and the profound need for an anchor, is that despite the sense that many have that we are in a steady decline in practically every domain, we have not lost our sense of excellence. We want mensches–those who can discern the fine lines between embellishment and lying, and then be truthful. We can spot truthiness (thank you Stephen Colbert), and in this day and age, we need all the intelligence, rich vocabulary, critical thinking, challenging questions, compassion, integrity  and generosity that has been on display on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. These attributes are what anchor us.

So, while there may be some wrinkles to be smoothed out, we know that what’s true for the ages will keep us anchored. And laugh lines are beautiful.

Speech Pathology

While away visiting family and friends, I was not away from the horror of the terror that enveloped Paris. I may have been some 5,600 + miles from Paris, but I could be in the same zone of interest, despite the difference in time zones. I could converse via email with a cousin in Paris, and watch cable news and read analyses on my ipad, and post my sympathies.

Our extraordinary abilities to communicate through fiber optics, cables and signals anywhere, anytime, has transformed civilization in terms of immediate access, but what makes our civilization civilized is our capacity for consideration and compassion. Our advancement in technologies have allowed for an unprecedented flow of communication and movement, which has enabled expressions of hope as well as of hate .

Lately, the pathologies that have distorted and infected our lives with hate have manifested in abuse and violence in carefully orchestrated attacks upon innocents. The hostage takers at the kosher market in Paris spoke fluent French, yet did not speak the same language as their French hostages. The terrorists’ nihilism and dehumanization, was uttered using the same vocalized sounds and words that other French nationals would be familiar with, but there was no connection.

Some have argued that while there is absolutely no justification for violence or abuse, there must be social causes for such disaffection that would enable so many to seek a dangerous and violent path and wage war against Western Civilization. In essence, these people are looking for the pathologies in modern democratic societies that might explain the pathology of terrorism. Freedom, and lately our free speech, whether in the form of a silly comedy movie, or political cartoons, has been threatened with silencing. This is speech pathology!

Often, in cases of medical speech disorders, there is an auditory component. In order to learn language and speak effectively, one must have clear and accurate perception, as well as the structures and strength to create clearly understood speech. Too often, when toddlers are not articulating adequately, there is a hearing deficit. The relationship between being able to hear and speak is inextricable. Even without hearing, there is a capacity for language and communication. Sign language is every bit as expressive, and depends upon perception.

Those who don’t want to hear are seeking to silence the rest of us.This cultural speech pathology has affected those whose perception has them seek to destroy rather than to construct. The speech pathology that we have been witnessing has been so painful because our capacity for communication is so closely intertwined with our humanity and our culture. The pathology of repression and hate, expressed through abuse and violence must always be countered. There is certainly a deficit of hearing and a surfeit of misperception when such pathologies of repression and hate cause those to silence speech and fear freedom.

As I was en route to the airport to head home yesterday, I saw a sign for the “Museum of Tolerance”. I was struck by the idea of exhibiting tolerance. The thought that tolerance as a relic–something housed in a museum– was disturbing. Of course, using historical events as examples of tolerance (and intolerance) are powerful displays of human capacities (and pathologies). Then again, exhibiting tolerance is what we need to do in our daily lives. It’s a sort of speech therapy for the speech and hearing pathologies that have been so threatening.

The Sony Clause and the Gift of Humor

White Christmas. Miracle on 34th Street. Home Alone….The Interview?? Will The Interview forever be associated with Christmas?  What would have been a silly, adolescent sort of flick became an international issue just in time for Christmas. The shutting down of a comedy film, then it’s release in selected theaters as well as streaming online, has become a Christmas gift after all. Regardless of the quality of The Interview as a film, it now stands for freedom and peace on earth. Taking liberties with comedy has become giving liberty, after it felt  like our liberties were being taken. 

Sony had to confront the awful embarrassment and vulnerability of being hacked and threatened by North Korea. I appreciated the responsibility (and embarrassment) that the execs at Sony had to face, although I was rather disappointed with their decision to cancel showing The Interview (even if I had no intention of seeing the movie prior to this). Now, behold a Christmas miracle: The Interview will be shown!

Many have suggested the possibility that this is a brilliant marketing strategy by Sony. More likely, it is a Christmas Miracle for Sony. The reviews for The Interview have not been great, but now EVERYONE wants to see it. It’s practically a patriotic act.

Last week, President Obama expressed his disappointment with Sony’s initial decision to pull The Interview from theaters. He seemed to reflect popular sentiment that a threat by North Korea over a silly movie was truly an insult to everything we stand for, including Hollywood! Ultimately, Sony execs reconsidered.

“We have never given up on releasing The Interview and we’re excited our movie will be in a number of theaters on Christmas Day,” said Michael Lynton, Chairman and CEO of Sony Entertainment. “At the same time, we are continuing our efforts to secure more platforms and more theaters so that this movie reaches the largest possible audience.”

Sony, in an attempt to save some face, or wash some egg off, reminds us with the clause that they are continuing to “secure more platforms”…. The issue of security, whether it’s their own internal e-security, or our cyber security, or our physical well being –especially in a movie theater on Christmas– makes everyone a bit jittery. Adding a clause about security (even in the most generic sense) is the best justifier for anything.

Parents have historically added security clauses after their own temper tantrums. (“I did it for your own good.”) Now we can know that Sony (and perhaps other corporations) can make decisions that are of geopolitical significance as well as corporate economic significance, because of the security clause. Sony was merely protecting us from North Korea.

We appreciate corporate responsibility, and the Sony hacking was revealing in its breadth as well as its rather uninspired (and racist) execs. Aside from the embarrassment that they suffered just from exposed emails, the embarrassment of being vulnerable had to be overcome. The subsequent threats if The Interview were shown, made it easier for Sony to focus on security for everyone’s sake.

But after the initial discomfort over the Sony hacking, Americans didn’t feel justifiably threatened;certainly not by North Korea. If anything, Sony’s initial decision to pull The Interview from theaters felt threatening. Could a corporate decision, about frivolity no less, threaten our freedom more than an enemy government or terrorist?

The Sony Clause gave us the opportunity to see (or not see) The Interview on Christmas or during the holiday season.  The opportunity (more than the movie) may not be a Christmas miracle so much as a gift. Opportunity is a gift, as is humor. We sadly said goodbye to The Colbert Report last week, before Sony shifted to show The Interview. What better gift, especially after the end of The Colbert Report, than the Sony Clause, ensuring more secure platforms, to give liberty to taking liberties!  The incident of The Interview may remind us of the gift of humor this Christmas.  Giggling is always the sound of freedom. Happy Holidays!  Wishing you laughter, joy and peace!

Ghost Busters

It’s easy to feel dispirited by the news. But yesterday’s news of the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on the CIA’s interrogation “techniques” following the terrorist attack of September 11, 2001, has me feeling somewhat positive– that is, between bouts of nausea.

The reports of torture are of course not entirely new, but they remain nauseating and shameful. In the 13 years since 9/11, these ghosts have been haunting us. Our own torturers have been lurking among us, but yesterday those ghosts got busted!

Even when we’ve been saddened and furious by seemingly misguided legal decisions–most recently in Ferguson and Staten Island, and before that in Sanford, Florida, as well as other similar cases– those calling for peace, non-violence, racial equality, accountability, dignity, life….you know….what we think of as fundamental to decent society… have essentially been ghost busting!

A country that formally stands for civil rights has seen too many incidents recently that seem to contradict that stance, and too often the negative spirit of racism hovers. The contradiction is unsettling.

If there’s somethin’ strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!

If it’s somethin’ weird an it won’t look good, who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!

Many will say that racism isn’t strange. Nor is police brutality. Nor the extreme version, as seen in the reports of CIA torture. Abuse is all too common, and until busted open, often legal.  (The same is true for sexism and sexual abuse.) But we know that the strangeness inherent in abusive behavior isn’t that it is rare; it is that such behavior is vile, and makes most of us extremely uncomfortable (as it should). The ghosts of racism and sexism and abuse of power still haunt us, but the current manifestations of these ghosts are getting busted.

I ain’t afraid a no ghost. I ain’t afraid a no ghost.

While some fear the possibility of inciting terrorists by revealing the Senate report on torture, ultimately it is better that we bust those ghosts of ours. Until we confront our own sanctioned behaviors and assumptions, conscious and unconscious, legal and moral, we will be haunted by ghosts.

I’ve never subscribed to what is often classified as “paranormal”. But if para-normal is actually beyond normal, then we can certainly move beyond the normal indignities that have accrued and caused distortions and fear and exaggerated reactions.

Each generation has its ghost busters. We must encourage this one and the next one. Hey–I hear there’s a new “Ghostbusters” movie in the making. Maybe ghost busting is in the air?

Holding Pattern

We’ve been watching cops and robbers in black and white. “I can’t breathe” is the current verbal meme that expresses the equivalent of the arms up–don’t shoot–gesture.    The incidents in Ferguson and in Staten Island are tragic in so many ways, but even worse, they seem to present a pattern.

We have been stuck in a pattern of not only racial mistrust (on all sides) and mistrust of authority (in most institutions), but also a pattern of exaggeration and fear mongering, leading to even more over reaction. We are also stuck in a pattern of hatred and reflexive actions rather than reflective ones.

Some don’t see patterns, but merely behaviors. When it’s cops and robbers, some think that robbers deserve whatever they get by cops. It’s black and white, except when it’s about cops and robbers who are white and black. Then some don’t see cops and robbers; they just see race and a history of inequity.

Even these narratives are patterns. But something happened after the most recent Grand Jury decision not to indict a cop after he placed Eric Garner in a chokehold during an arrest, after which, Garner died. On the heels of the Ferguson Grand Jury decision not to indict Darren Wilson, the cop who fatally shot Michael Brown who was unarmed, the federal government is beginning to investigate patterns and procedures. We have been choking in our own fears and patterns, and it is as though we can’t breathe anymore.

It is possible to be pro law and order while seeking to break the pattern of extreme violence employed by police. Seeing black and white is also part of the problematic pattern that chokes us. Economic histories and patterns, racial histories and patterns, legal histories and patterns, even gender histories and patterns have actually produced a holding pattern–and we are being choked.

Police accountability would provide some oxygen. While many of us shudder at the idea of more cameras in everyday life, the notion of police cameras would at least potentially provide some more accountability. Of course, that doesn’t guarantee different legal analysis. There was a video in the Eric Garner arrest that clearly showed the choke hold and his gasping for air–for life. But, it seems to me that when one knows that one is being watched, behavior and patterns begin to change. Similarly, if every bullet that is fired by a police officer is documented in a data base, then not only is there obviously the opportunity for actual accountability, but  there is also the opportunity to analyze data and to re-examine how and when deadly force is used. 

We know that law enforcement patterns need altering, as do so many other aspects of our society and legal system. Our histories and patterns seem to have a hold on us, but we have also been choking ourselves–mostly from fear and our own inabilities to see ourselves as fractals or among the elements that comprise patterns–cracks, foams(bubbles), waves, spirals, tilings, and those elements created by symmetries of rotation and mirroring. Seeing our own selves among the elements of the societal and historical patterns allows us to get out of this holding pattern and consciously design better alternatives.

Purple Hearts

Today is Veterans’ Day, 2014. What began as Armistice Day at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918, marking the cessation of combat on the Western Front of  what became known as World War 1, is now a day to honor our military Veterans beyond WW1. (The last U.S. World War 1 veteran died in February, 2011 at age 110.)

Today we honor those who served in the armed forces. The last year has highlighted the ways in which we have not honored veterans the rest of the year, especially when the VA scandal revealed staggering incompetence and data manipulation that put veterans’ health and lives at risk. While VA Secretary Eric Shinseki has been replaced with Robert McDonald, the dysfunction is being sorted out and reorganization is slowly being implemented.  Last night, McDonald announced a complete restructuring of the department, designed to make it easier for veterans to access information and service. This restructuring is the largest in the department’s history, as it seeks to focus on actual customer service for the agency that serves 22 million veterans.Veterans should not have to thank the VA for their service.

The VA scandal was more than a disservice to those who served in our military. The scandal became yet another example of dysfunctional government. Democrats and Republicans may have agreed on the unacceptability of the status quo with regard to the VA, but beyond that, they retreated to their posts blaming the other. Actually, the VA scandal was but one of many examples of dysfunctional government whereby governing gets lost to politics, and venom spewed at enemies.

Just a week ago, the midterm elections revealed how few are truly engaged in civics and the political process. PBS reported that the 2014 midterm election turnout was the lowest in 70 years! 36.4 percent of eligible voters turned out in 2014. Attack ads reigned supreme with a dearth of ideas. Policies that have made a difference were ignored. Preying on fears and the tribalism that we call party politics has yielded us a midterm election decided by the lowest turnout in 70 years. The combination of disengagement and vitriol  seems to be the norm on the home front, but we would never want our soldiers to carry these behaviors with them. And they deserve better at home!

Today we honor our veterans for their service. They should inspire service in various forms in us. Missions demand engagement and integrity, and actual accomplishment. These are the qualities embodied by the men and women we honor today. Service deserves to be honored, but not through the prism (prison?) of Republican or Democrat– Red or Blue.

Today, on Veterans’ Day, I’m thinking about a purple heart. The Purple Heart has been the traditional military decoration awarded by the President to those wounded or killed while serving in battle against our enemies. This award for heroism reminds us of the incredible sacrifices some have made for the American ideal and to keep enemies from harming American civilians. I imagine an additional purple heart. We may still have red states and blue states, both mental and territorial, but we’ve certainly lost our purple heart.  Today, we can honor veterans through actual support with services and opportunities (healthcare, education, jobs, housing,etc). It will demand service from our own purple hearts–not red or blue– to accomplish missions beyond obstruction and disengagement; towards actually transforming the status quo peacefully.

FANtastic

Last night, one of the stranger moments in American politics occurred. Already, you might be thinking….this should be a doozie. Moreover, it was one of the strangest moments in Florida politics. Now that’s saying something (without saying anything)!

Last night was the first gubernatorial debate between Gov. Rick Scott and former Gov., and former Republican, now Democrat, Charlie Crist. Although I have grown to loathe these performances called debates, I agreed to watch and see if it was worth anything. The moderators were introduced and were about to introduce the candidates, when they were informed that both candidates were not yet available. Strange. Then Charlie Crist emerged and stood behind his podium. Alone. The moderators were flummoxed and clearly unprepared for such an occurrence. The camera zoomed in on an oscillating fan ensconced in the base of Crist’s podium. The moderator then explained that Crist had a fan, but that the rules of the debate included no electronics. Rick Scott refused to debate Crist as long as Crist had a fan.

Ultimately, after several minutes (which felt like much more), Gov. Rick Scott appeared, and commenced the performance as though he were just running a bit late. Huh?

While Crist was waiting at the podium, the moderator read the rule regarding electronics and a statement from the Scott camp suggesting that Scott would not agree to debate unless all the rules were upheld. This of course gave Crist the opportunity to truly own the stage, by commenting that they should be debating issues affecting Floridians, including education and the economy, climate issues, etc–not whether or not a fan can be used.

Soon, the Scott camp reversed itself, I’m guessing because someone realized that Crist was scoring a point or two at the expense of Scott who was obstructing, and Scott then appeared ready to rumble.

Then I turned off the debate. I can not imagine that anyone would have been moved one way or the other, except to perhaps confirm the notion that voting doesn’t matter. This is the tragedy. We are rather entrenched in our ideologies, and political parties ensure those divisions. Even those of us who want to find ways to govern that would include compromise, often end up voting party line when we don’t know enough or care enough. Of course, this reinforces the political chasm that has rendered our system largely unworkable and unaccomplished.

I used to love politics and real debate about ideas and governance. Now, I am NO FAN! We rely on media, which is notoriously unreliable for advancing knowledge, and a campaign system that is a farce and an insane waste of money. I have tuned out much of the noise that is supposed to be news. I am no longer a fan!

Fandom is a curious phenomenon. While we seek like minded or similarly experienced people, or teams, or performers who seem to express our preferences and/or allegiances, too often fandom (or the display of fandom) becomes the ultimate expression. Fans tend to relish their own energy and feel good about being supportive of something exciting. The excitement is as much about being a fan as it is about the performer. Die hard fans, often ignore (and perhaps excuse) problematic performances and behavior (from performers and fans). We see this in politics and sports, and even the aging rocker (and aging fans) who are happy just to be doing the same schtick as long as possible.

Now, I am not suggesting that we should not have fans or that we should not be fans. I am suggesting that too often people get stuck in not seeing beyond fans.

Back Up

When I was a young child, I wanted to be a Supreme. Beyonce may indeed be Destiny’s Child, but I was more interested in The Miracles. Sure there was Diana and Smokey, but before they were American idols and icons, they had Supremes and Miracles.

The back up singers were us! I wanted to join them singing harmonies and vocals that complemented the lead singer’s melody. Back up singers were a pair or a group of fabulousness, rhythmically moving in sync, ooohing and aaaaahing, repeating key words and phrases, connecting the lead vocals to the rest of us.

There’s something interesting to me about The Supremes and The Miracles, beyond suggesting divine intervention in their lead singer’s voices. Surely they had to have terrific talent, but I think the groups that included the back up singers in the names of the groups, remind us of the importance of terrific talent beyond the front person. This is true in any organization–from families, institutions, agencies, companies, or any group. Harnessing excellence in every role makes the real difference.

We have a tendency to focus so much on individuals and leadership roles, often to the detriment of healthy organizations. Great leaders are great not only because of their vocals (what they say, and do), but because they have talent that supports their efforts. Too often, we forget to hone the skills for back up singing: a great voice; willingness to work in harmony; supplementing and accompanying the theme; learning the choreography for the production; complementing the lead vocalist, bringing the work to perfection.

Imagine if we gave employees, students, volunteers, care-givers and any non-leader who is charged with responsibilities, the expectation of being supreme or a miracle! Imagine if we sought out a work force comprised of stellar back up singers–using their well trained voices in concert (metaphorically speaking).

Now we have crews –not Supremes or Miracles, and without the expectation of significance and talent from those not in the spotlight, we not only lose excellence at all levels, but we mute important voices and diminish leading voices.

So many of our institutions have been crumbling from within, and without capable lead singers. Perhaps The Supremes and The Miracles were of their time. We don’t emphasize the back up singers very much today, but I still love being a back up singer (metaphorically now). There’s great importance and reward in generating support, and encouraging others to move with the tempo and sing along. Talented lead singing will be brought to excellence with talented back up singers. Start enrolling those supremes, and making some miracles.

The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones

Mid century, a half a century ago, two animated sitcoms became favorites for their takes on middle class life that at once seemed familiar and other-worldly. Fifty years before Modern Family, we were introduced to the modern stone age family,The Flintstones. A riff on The Honeymooners, The Flintstones used the comedic situations that were standard fare by the early 1960s, with the cute gimmick of prehistoric technologies–or modern situations demanding stone age materials and power (human and animal, including dinosaurs). The situations, aesthetics, cultural activities and references were all early sixties, including split-level caves with pelican washing machines. And who could forget Ann-Margrock serenading little Pebbles? The juxtaposition of modern with stone age was more modern than stone age, but the cultural signifiers were all suggested through stone age names and technology. The Flintstones was analog in every sense.

The Jetsons brought us from the stone age to the next space age. Cleverly combining the early sixties sensibility and success of The Flintstones with all things space related during the height of the space race, The Jetsons used the winning formula of The Flintstones and converted it to some future time when “typical” middle class families would be living in outer space. Of course, one would expect lots of gadgets and gizmos in the space age, and the idea of everything automated and robotic (including the housekeeper, Rosie) was in keeping with the images we as a culture expect(ed) of the future. Like The Flintstones, The Jetsons reminded us that although situations may include different technologies, the demands of life remain unchanged. Also, relationships are most important for happiness.

On both animated shows, the wives do not engage in professional work. They are mostly responsible for taking care of the home and the children, and being available to their husbands. The husbands must endure traffic and cranky bosses at soul sapping jobs, but are able to live decent lives and enjoy the company of their families and friends, even if they are negotiating inconveniences despite all the conveniences their applianced lives provide. Whether in the stone age or the space age, we see a mid-century middle class American family living comfortably on the husband/father’s salary, coping with everyday events that are undramatic, and require moderation,cooperation and fixing stuff. It’s all do-able. It’s the American Dream that we’d like to think exists in any age.

Now, 50 years after those cartoons ran in prime-time, I am struck by what it means to live in America in 2014. The recent release of the video of Ray Rice beating up his then-fiancee Janay Palmer in an elevator, and then dragging her limp and unconscious body out of the elevator, dumping her in front, and kicking her to clear the elevator doors, is more stone age than Fred Flintstone could ever have been. I do not judge the tragic Janay Palmer who went on to marry the brute, because although it is confusing, it is mostly heart-rending to me that she must feel as though she can’t leave him. It is beyond tragic. Wilma would never have stayed, and she had fewer options as a woman.

The public outcry when the video was publicly released was heartening in some ways. The NFL seemed out of sync with 2014. Sanity still exists outside the NFL. But, so do abusers and those who feel they can not leave. This is unconscionable in 2014.

If stone age behavior headlined the news again a few days ago, Jetson-esque news reigned supreme yesterday, with the rollout of the i-Phone 6 and the Apple Watch. Like the baby wooly mammoth vacuum cleaner and other animal powered appliances and machines on The Flintstones, or the myriad of push button devices, including Rosie, on The Jetsons, we love technology and the idea that our lives will be transformed by them. Technology does transform much of our lives and capabilities, and yet, with all the time and labor saving devices, we still get so stuck and feel so uncomfortable.

Despite all the social, cultural and technological advances we have made, we still seem to struggle so very much. Tonight, President Obama will address the nation (and the world) on how we will deal with ISIS. The Jetsons will meet The Flintstones.